My Life ~ True Story

Dammit Daphne!

2011-11-10T12:10:00.000-05:00

Ten days late but you know what they say...

5 Months

2011-10-12T12:16:00.000-04:00

I'm aiming high.
Hopefully, I will be able to start saying something here agian very soon. Not soon like next week but soon...
Things have changed since May. Don't they always? Hell, I made it through another summer. What did I get in return? A WINDOW!

More to come, hopefully.

33 on me!

2011-05-06T13:40:00.000-04:00

Oh my, oh my, oh my!

Keeping my fingers crossed...I just got some news today and I feel fairly great about it! I'll know more tomorrow.

For now though, I wanted to write about my birthday, it was April 14th. As in last month.

It fell on a Thursday, I worked. Good thing I did or else I would have missed out on these:

Above are the tulips Hayden de-petaled while Chip was outside mowing the yard, she was supposed to be sleeping!

The week prior to my birthday I received an envelope at work. A woman I help quite a bit with artwork sent me a $50 gift card to Longhorn. So, Chip and I went to my sister's house after work and then to Longhorn. For the first time EVER we had drinks, ate an appetizer, a full meal and dessert. We don't go out to eat often and when we do we have a drink and split a meal or Chip thoroughly pisses me off by ordering a hamburger. Anyway, the entire meal, from start to finish, was pretty awesome. We burned through the $50 on the gift card and spent another $45 on top of it. SO WORTH IT! And HELL! IT! WAS! MY! BIRTHDAY! That is my excuse.

Hayden and Chip gifted me with vegetable plants, hanging flowers and LOVE. I wanted the veggies and flowers...but the love was really all I needed.

33 ON ME

Mini & Me

2011-05-03T15:01:00.000-04:00

From Out of Nowhere

2011-04-29T16:40:00.001-04:00

I have very little time, if any, to update this blog. I was forced to stop posting a photo a day, I hope to just pick up where I left off, but who knows when that will be. Work is always the reason I neglect this here spot.

I will end this post with a few photos that prove I do have a life outside of the hole that is my office at work.

But first...a few funny stories.

Chip took one of the puppies to Kansas last weekend leaving Hayden and I alone. I don't remember what we were doing when she asked me quite plainly, "Are you calling me a liar?" "What," I asked. "Are you calling me a liar?"

I asked her where on Earth she had heard that and got no response. She could tell I found it more than funny and broke out in a smile.

A few hours later she was crammed up my ass as I was trying save one of the branches of my pathetic rose bush. Apparently her four wheeler ran the bush over and all but snapped a branch off. The damn thing had the same type of run-in with my blueberry bush and my blackberry bush. Fucking four wheeler! Anyway, I'm getting pricked by a thousand tiny and not-so-tiny thorns when she states, "My finger hurts. My finger is broke." "No, it isn't," I told her. "Yes, my two fingers are broke," she insisted. Once again I said, "No, you fingers are not broke and you are silly." She looked me dead in the eye, smiled and asked, "Are you calling me a liar, mama?" I guess I was but in not so many words.

I still cannot figure out where she came up with that line? She had to hear it somewhere...

In other news, and I can't recall if I have wrote this here yet or not, but Hayden is in a big bed now. Has been for over a month. She is already to the point where she just climbs out when she is ready to get up. I think some kids do this right from the start but not her. I somewhat wish she was a little skittish to get out of bed on her own. Two weeks ago I went to get groceries and when I came home Chip was outside mowing the yard. He gave the sleeping sign to me as I drove past him up the driveway. Oh, ok! Hayden is out. So, I pull my Jeep up to the porch/door for easy unloading and take off around to the kitchen with two armfuls of grocery bags . As I push the door open I see purple petals covering the tile floor. HOLY BIRTHDAY TULIPS! I turned around after sitting the bags on the counter and saw the previously folded clothes/towels/sheets that were on the dining room table unfolded and scattered on the floor too. What in the hell? Now, there is not but one individual who would do such things and his name ain't daddy. Hayden had snapped the top off of 18 glorious purple tulips that a friend gave me for my birthday and made it her mission to make us fold the clothes/towels/sheets yet again. It's about this time that it sinks in she isn't sleeping, I hear a shuffling noise coming from the living room. I peep around the corner and there she sits, in the opposite corner perusing through my birthday gifts from my mom. "Hayden, what are you doing," I asked. Turning, startled, she yells, "Mama, I found you!"

I just hung up the phone with Chip. He said that he and Hayden picked up an old man who's car broke down on the side of the road this morning. He intended to walk home, a good fifteen miles from where he was. Chip said that when he stopped the car and the old man got in a little voice from the back seat inquired, "What is happening here?" Proof that we don't make picking up hitch hikers an everyday activity.

I've rambled longer than I ever intended and I definitely want to make sure I get some photos added as well so I'm going to sum it up by saying thank God it's Friday! Hey! It's Friday! We goin' get high today!

Consider this space updated!

January @ 91 ~ March @ 101

2011-03-29T14:10:00.002-04:00

I caught a third generation funk back in January, at least I think it was January. It traveled through Hayden and then through Chip, finally landing right inside my damn left nostril. I took my ass to the doctor and was told what I already knew. I had a sinus infection. I hurt like a sumbitch...my nose, my teeth, my ears, the side of head. If I go the rest of my life without another sinus infection I will be ecstatic!

All of this brings me to the fact that while I was at the doctor's office they weighed me. I weighed a hefty 91 pounds, clothed. Downer! Well, I left there thinking I'd clear up the sinus infection and then worry about my weight, or lack thereof.

The following weekend I hit the GNC store and bought some protein powder, Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard 100% Whey in Extreme Milk Chocolate. I started out drinking two servings a day and am now down to one. I weighed myself last weekend and I topped out at 101 pounds, clothed. Somewhere over the course of seven or eight weeks I gained close to ten pounds.

I'm fucking thrilled!

Now if I can just get the extra weight to spread evenly across my body instead of just squatting right on my ~~ass/hips/tummy~~ mama area I'll be set.

What? What do you mean that's the secret to life?

Oh! I get it.

Mac Daddy

2011-03-29T13:58:00.000-04:00

Papaw Mac

me...

...his

Hundred Dollar Granddaughter

Day 75 - Day 82 (with missing links)

2011-03-29T12:32:00.001-04:00

Day 75 : March 16th

Day 76 : March 17th

Day 77 : March 18th

Day 78 : March 19th

Day 79 : March 20th

Day 80 : March 21st

Day 81 : March 22nd

Day 82 : March 23rd

It's ON!

2011-03-15T14:14:00.000-04:00

I caught a third generation funk back in January, at least I think it was January. It traveled through Hayden and then through Chip, and finally landed right inside my damn left nostril. I took my ass to the doctor and was told what I suspected. I had a sinus infection. My head hurt like a sumbitch...my nose, my teeth, my ears, my hair. If I go the rest of my life without another sinus infection I will be ecstatic!

All of this brings me to the fact that while I was at the doctor's office my weight was checked. I weighed a pitiful ninety one pounds, clothed! Damn it!! Downer!!! I left there thinking I'd clear up my sorry-ass sinus infection and then worry about my weight, or lack thereof.

The following weekend I hit the GNC store and bought protein powder, Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard 100% Whey in Extreme Milk Chocolate, to be very exact. I've been drinking it (with whole milk) daily now for well over a month. I started out drinking two servings a day and am now down to one. I weighed myself last weekend and I topped out at 101 pounds, clothed! SHIT & NOT! Somewhere over the course of five to six weeks, maybe seven, I gained close to ten pounds.

Given that the only time I've weighed above one hundred and five pounds was when I was pregnant, I'm thrilled about this. Now, I just have to work at keeping the weight on and hopefully gaining at least ten more pounds. Seeing results this quickly really motivates me to buck up and guzzle down.

Day 74

2011-03-15T13:59:00.003-04:00

Day 74 : March 15th

Day 71 - Day 73

2011-03-15T13:59:00.000-04:00

Day 71 : March 12th

Day 72 : March 13th

Day 73 : March 14th

Day 67 & Day 70 (66, 68 & 69...FAIL)

2011-03-15T11:30:00.001-04:00

Day 67 : March 8th

Day 70 : March 11th

I'm Not Ready ~ That Much I Know

2011-03-07T16:12:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was cleaning the kitchen and Hayden was watching Handy Manny. I finished what I was doing and went into the living room. Hayden came over to me and this is the short conversation we had (word for word):

Hayden: "I want a tister."

Me: (dumbfounded, shaking my head, you know, to clear my ears...for I must not have heard her correctly) "What?"

Hayden: "I want a stister."

Me: (with hope in my eyes, because every child craves licorice, right) "You want a twizzler?"

Hayden: "No."

Me: (as if the words are being yanked from my core) "You want a sister?"

Hayden: "Yes!"

Me: (attempting to block out the laughter coming from behind the wall, Chip!) "Oh, oh, oh no!"

WHO? taught you that

WHAT? the hell

HOW? do you even know what a sister is

WHY? me

FUCK! she's only three

Day 62 - Day 65

2011-03-07T13:20:00.000-05:00

Day 62 : March 3rd

Day 63 : March 4th

Day 64 : March 5th

Day 65 : March 6th

For Henry Granju

2011-03-07T11:58:00.001-05:00

Katie speaks. Go listen and help Henry's little light shine bright!

Day 61

2011-03-03T16:50:00.000-05:00

Day 61 : March 2nd

Day 60

2011-03-03T16:49:00.000-05:00

Day 60 : March 1st

Day 59

2011-03-03T16:02:00.000-05:00

Day 59 : February 28th

Day 49 - Day 58 (With Missing Links)

2011-03-03T15:54:00.000-05:00

Of course, of course...I missed day 48...and 51-53 and 55 and 56!! I cannot for the life of me find a photo from February 17th, 20th-22nd, 24th and 25th! I've let it go, for the most part. (By the way, I really REALLY suck at this photo project!)

Day 49 : February 18th

Day 50 : February 19th

Day 54 : February 23rd

Day 57 : February 26th

Day 58 : February 27th

Day 43 - Day 47

2011-03-02T14:51:00.001-05:00

Day 43 : February 12th

Day 44 : February 13th

Day 45 : February 14th

Day 46 : February 15th

Day 47 : February 16th

Day 40 - Day 42

2011-02-11T12:31:00.002-05:00

Day 40 : February 9th

Day 41 : February 10th

Day 42 : February 11th

Words

2011-02-11T09:44:00.000-05:00

~ She Speaks ~

1st three syllable word: Chuggington

1st four syllable word: Bubblicious

Same Sweet Routine, Different Night

2011-02-09T14:29:00.000-05:00

She stands in her bedroom after having refused to tell her daddy good night.

The second I step foot into the room she tells me, oh so quietly, that she has to go tell daddy something. Off she goes.

Her daddy catches her as she flings herself into his arms. A hug and a kiss later she comes racing back to where she left me.

I bend down and happily take the hug and kiss she is eager to give me. "I love you too, mama."

Up! She climbs onto my bed and jumps up and down for a moment before moving towards the edge of the bed. 1, 2, 3! Jump! Into her crib she goes...with a little help from me.

I pull the blankets back and she refuses to put her feet under them. "Tickle me, mama." I do.

Still she refuses to put her feet under the blankets, I turn to leave. "My feet are cold, mama." I go back and tuck her in.

"I love you, Hayden. I'll get you when I go to bed."

"You get me when you go to bed?"

"Yes."

"I love you too, mama."

~ Same sweet shenanigans each and every night, something I'll savor forever.

Day 38 & Day 39

2011-02-09T14:01:00.002-05:00

Day 38 : February 7th

Day 39 : February 8th

Day 28 - Day 37

2011-02-08T13:52:00.003-05:00

Day 28 : January 28th

Day 29 : January 29th

Day 30 : January 30th

Day 31 : January 31st

Day 32 : February 1st

Day 33 : February 2nd

Day 34 : February 3rd

Day 35 : February 4th

Day 36 : February 5th

Day 37 : February 6th

Day 27 : January 27th

2011-01-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

Odd behavior from the driver of this vehicle.

Day 21 - Day 26

2011-01-27T10:51:00.000-05:00

Day 21 : January 21st

FAIL!

Day 22 : January 22nd

A huntin' we go!

Day 23 : January 23rd

Gertie! Strikes! Again!

Day 24 : January 24th

Givin' daddy hell at the insurance company.

Day 25 : January 25th

Day 26 : January 26th

Missing : 1 small rock!

Sunday Best / January 23rd

2011-01-27T08:53:00.003-05:00

3 weeks later...our second family photo.
Seen here: Chip wearing the same exact outfit he wore for the first family photo!

Day 13 - Day 20

2011-01-20T14:45:00.000-05:00

Once again, I fail miserably in posting a single photo each day. I actually failed over and over again, a few days even passed (8th, 9th, 12th) where a single photo was not even captured. So there.
The sick hit Hayden 3 weeks ago today. The same sick slapped Chip a few days later and I'll be damned if that same sick didn't creep up and clobber me too, oh, two weeks ago today. My mama is immune gene up and hauled ass apparently as I seem to have been struck the worst out of the three of us. By last Friday I had took all I was taking, I sucked it up and went to the doctor. Thank God for Flonase and Augmentin.
I am just going to go ahead and chalk January's portion of the photo a day project attempt fail up to the sick, that'll work for me. That'll also explain why there was no family photo for the second and third Sunday in January. I didn't forget about it, I simply didn't give a shit and well, I said fuck it! And then I forgot about it, until now anyway.
So, onward! Below are photos from Day 13 - Day 20. From here on out I am hell bent on making this project a success.

Day 13 : January 13th

Day 14 : January 14th

Day 15 : January 15th

Day 16 : January 16th

Day 17 : January 17th

Day 18 : January 18th

Day 19 : January 19th

Day 20 : January 20th

Day 11 : January 11th

2011-01-20T11:02:00.000-05:00

Day 10 : January 10th

2011-01-20T11:01:00.000-05:00

Day 7 : January 7th

2011-01-07T16:53:00.000-05:00

I found baby Jesus, rather, he found me!

2011: Photo a Day (Day 1 - Day 6) / Sunday Best

2011-01-06T12:06:00.000-05:00

There are two photo projects that I have in mind to complete in 2011. The first being to take a photo a day and post it here, not a novel idea, but a first for me. I think I will be glad that I did it at the end of the year, although it really can be a bitch for me to take and post a photo a day. If it doesn't work out that I can post a photo each day I will do what I am doing today, post several at once. So yes, it is January 6th and I have yet to post a single photo for the project. Fucking awesome! Boy, I am on top of things. For the sake of berating myself any more than I have:

Day 1 : January 1st

Day 2 : January 2nd

Day 3 : January 3rd

Day 4 : January 4th

Day 5 : January 5th

Day 6 : January 6th

The second project I want to complete is simple yet will be powerful at the end of 2011. Chip, Hayden and I will take a family photo each Sunday in front of the tree I planted in our yard two years ago, maybe three (I'll definitely find out what year I planted it). I bought this tree from Arbor Day, well, it came with a number of ~~trees~~ twigs that I received free for signing up and ordering four willow trees (not one of which is still standing). I know not what kind of twig it is. This fact is quite sad because I nursed the hell out of this thing (and one other root ball) for a year or so before believing it could make it after being planted in the ground. To my surprise it has grown quickly and is far from the little twig I first babied, back when I did not have a baby!

January 2nd

(Please note that this 1st family photo of 2011 was taken immediately after quickly admitting/deciding: HELL, I FORGOT THE FAMILY PICTURE! THE FIRST FAMILY PICTURE! GRAB HAYDEN AND JUST RUN OUT THERE BY THAT TREE, THAT'LL WORK!)

Finally! Six days in and I get something out. I'll get better, I promise.

Favorites from Christmas

2010-12-30T12:46:00.002-05:00

Christmas Card(s) 2010

2010-12-27T16:56:00.000-05:00

I spent several hours of several days swapping photos and cards, trying in earnest to find a match.

Here.

There.

I looked everywhere.

Given ten minutes on the Monday before Christmas this is what I came up with.

this photo

the photo below

two Christmas cards that make me smile!

I do my best work under pressure.

Memos

2010-12-27T14:47:00.000-05:00

I've been making memos via my phone, listing things I want to write about when I find time, IF I find time. It isn't looking like that is going to happen so here is a brief rundown.

Memo #1 (word for word):
Acoustic crossroads   5 day project   a family pic a week   neighbor fire story   wouldn't hel   stepped in shit   hickory nut fire

Memo #2 (also word for word, as all of these will be):
Cd list   dentist

Memo #3:
Resolutions

Memo #4:
Why do I have this blog   Dump all once in a while   Willie Nelson Sleep In Your Arms

Memo #5:
Sch for a toddler

Memo #6:
Baptism

Memo #7:
Cleats. Beanie. Phone. Red Bull. Cigs.

Now, let me see if I have a clue what any of this means:

Memo #1 (word for word):
Acoustic crossroads (this is my favorite channel to hear some really unique and interesting sounds)
365 day project (take one photo a day in 2011, post to blog)
a family pic a week (take one family photo under the same tree every Saturday in 2011, post to blog)
neighbor fire story (at a complete loss)
wouldn't hel (at a complete loss)
stepped in shit (self-explanatory)
hickory nut fire (again, at a complete loss)

Memo #2 (also word for word, as all of these will be):
Cd list (post a list of the cds I have in my car)
dentist (I actually remember this and now that I think about it it isn't worth talking about)

Memo #3:
Resolutions (I'll get around to these, I am actually going to make a few this year)

Memo #4:
Why do I have this blog (looks like I answered it in the memo: dump all once in a while)
Willie Nelson Sleep In Your Arms (love this song and remembered why, harmonica)

Memo #5:
Sch for a toddler (schedule for toddler, structure Hayden's day more)

Memo #6:
Baptism (Driving to the store up the road I passed a group of cars parked on the bridge. It was cold outside. People were heading down to the water wearing their Sunday best. I live in a place where people are still baptised in the creek closest to their church.)

Memo #7:
~~Cleats.~~ ~~Beanie.~~ Phone. Red Bull. ~~Cigs.~~ (Christmas ideas for Chip, 2 out of 5...not for lack of trying.)

On Being Thankful

2010-11-24T16:20:00.000-05:00

I AM THANKFUL...

For the roof over my head, the food on my plate and the clothes on my back.

These luxuries are really all I need.

These luxuries and the love of my family.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This Moment : Week Eighteen

2010-11-19T12:47:00.000-05:00

Puttin' It Out There

2010-11-18T16:55:00.001-05:00

When I moved here five years ago I landed a great position doing something I wasn't qualified to do. How? It's all about connections and who you know, right? I knew the right people and the timing was spot on. I have worked my ass off for five years and I must say I am paid accordingly for it. Now, my hourly pay isn't spectacular but for the area I live in I make pretty decent money, more than most people I know. Hell, I make more than aunt does and she has worked for the school district for almost twenty years.

When Chip moved here four years ago he landed a job with the county doing something he was qualified to do. He knew not a single person outside of my family. No connections. He worked his ass off for a few days and was let go. Not long after that he found another job, one he was also qualified for. Again, let go within a couple of weeks of starting. Both jobs paid...shit, to be quite honest. He attempted to start his own fencing company but the economy took a dive.

Then I got pregnant.

Chip has been the stay at home parent for the past two years, almost three. He is a damn fine daddy.

Yes, I am defending him. Why? Apparently, other people, people who don't even hold down jobs, and haven't for months or years, find fault with Chip. They blame him for not supporting his family. They talk shit about the way we function as a family, about what works for us.

Hayden is not in day care. We are in no rush to put her in day care. We will live the next three years exactly like we are living now and we will be fine with it. If Chip is still a stay at home dad when Hayden starts kindergarten, so be it. If it were me staying home and he had a well paying job people wouldn't think twice about our arrangement. Why is that?

Why is a man looked at like he is less of a man when he stays home with his child? Why do people make rude comments, mumble under their breath? Someone has to take care of the baby. It seems feasible that it would be the parent who cannot find and maintain decent employment.

What also pisses me off is that the people who direct their energy at making Chip feel this big are people who wouldn't make it a week at home with a baby/toddler. Most of them are men. Most women sympathize and would never cast such stones.

There are times that I laugh it off, the bullshit. I can see those times coming to an end. Sick and tired of it, I am. Done, I am.

Chip is a truly passionate daddy. Hayden is a lucky girl. We are lucky that we are in the position that my job allows us to be in. It's hard, damn it's hard, we aren't saving a dime. We are raising our little girl to the best of our ability and we are doing a damn fine job! All the haters can suck a sticky-with-sweat ball sack! And I mean that.

This Moment : Week Seventeen

2010-11-12T13:00:00.000-05:00

Hayden Henry

2010-11-11T16:50:00.000-05:00

What She Said

2010-11-10T16:40:00.000-05:00

Hayden has definitely crossed the threshold into the "terrifically terrible twos!"
To be expected, I know.

She truly is a pistol...and fuuuuuny! For the most part anyway.

She seeks out trouble and is happy to find it. Too bad she could win a Tony for her performance when we drop a heavy dose of discipline on her.

This age is heavy, hard, handsomely rewarding and I wouldn't have it any other way.

With that said, two quick stories (told to me by Chip):

One day last week Chip was changing Hayden's pull-up, she had peed. While doing so he remarked that something smelled like chicken noodle soup.

"I farted," she hooted!

+

A little while later Chip decided to square up with the little stinker. Of course, he did what any daddy would do who just choked on his daughter's fart. While walking from the living room to the kitchen he farted, knowing she would be coming that way in mere seconds. One...two...three...

"Puppy pooped," she proclaimed!

GOOD TIMES!

Hall-O-Weeeeee! NO!

2010-11-03T16:59:00.000-04:00

Funny how a day creeps up on you. Halloween was a couple of months away, then BAM!, the next day it's sitting on my porch, right beside a little girl that calls me mama. One that is waiting for me to put fins on her mermaid skirt.

The plan was to take Hayden to a costume party at my brother's house. Costume Party = Success
After the party we were going to take her to a trunk-or-treat/festival at the church just down the road. Trunk-or-Treat = Failure

The trunk-or-treat was not a trunk-or-treat. We realized this after parking the car and not seeing a single trunk nor treat. The festivities were inside, which at first seemed just fine (we'll take the candy however they want to give it to us). Upon entering the recreation hall we noticed that the church members had set up a not very haunted house. A black curtain hung in the doorway that lead to three ladies, not in costume mind you, sitting in chairs and handing out candy, GOOD candy! Well, Hayden took one look at the black curtain, heard the somewhat scary music and recognized that the lights were dim and started whimpering and saying, "I don't want to go in there, I don't want to go in there."

I carried her in (because I like to clean shitty diapers) and sat her down next to the candy. Tootsie rolls! Her favorite! Not that night, NO! Again, "I don't want to go in there."

I picked my little mermaid back up and carried her out. Our score = 1 Handful of Candy

So it goes.

There is always next year.

This Moment : Week Sixteen

2010-10-29T13:32:00.003-04:00

STOP SHITTING ON THE FLOOR!

2010-10-19T16:05:00.000-04:00

Hayden is back in her crib. We had no choice! She spent an hour of her nap time running wild in her room, Kiki in tow. I guess the final straw was the fourth shit she took on her floor. Allow me to clarify what I just said...Hayden took not one, not two, not three but four! shits on the floor! in her bedroom! in as many days!

Needless to say, we are not making any forward progress in regards to potty-training. We're regressing actually, backing our asses down a one-way-potty-training-path laden with foot-deep ruts and festering roadkill. But hey!, hey! I'm not bitter.

We'll wait and try the "big girl bed" again at a later date.

Trial and error.

As Scared As I've Ever Been

2010-10-19T15:33:00.000-04:00

Holy shit! was I busy last week. Friday came straight from hell if you ask me, and not one person did. That didn't stop me from bitching and moaning to anyone who would lend an ear though. I sort of thought my busy season was behind me, I was sort of wrong.

I intended to post on Friday and tell tales of toilet training and a two year old with the personality of twins that are totally opposite. I hardly got around to it as I was still fielding phone calls at ten after five, when I should have been cussing someone for not letting me merge onto I-75.

Shit : not! & total!

So, Friday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! Yes, I know it could have been worse...and it was, on Thursday night.

I usually fall asleep on the couch at night before going to bed. Thursday night was no different. I fell asleep around 9:20, I know because I looked at the clock right before I closed my eyes. Chip was heating oil in a pot on the stove, he was going to fry cheese sticks for both of us. While the oil was heating up he went to the dog kennel.

I woke myself up coughing, right about the time Chip came running through the house hollering, "Oh no, oh no!" The kitchen was on fire. Flaming fire! FUCK! FUUUUUUCK! The stove, wall, and two cabinets were in flames.There was thick black smoke hanging throughout the house. Apparently, the oil became too hot and caught on fire.

We, mostly Chip, put the fire out and then we stood staring at the damage, shook to the core. It was worse than my Friday, by far. I looked at the clock, it was 9:40.

It is baffling what can occur within a twenty minute span of time.

I know we are lucky.

Back to the Farm

2010-10-18T16:03:00.000-04:00

Who: E + Kevin + Ingrid + Me + Chip + Hayden
When: October 10th
Where: Pumpkin Patch Farm

Go Gertie!

2010-10-18T14:51:00.000-04:00

Dude, check out this fun-ky outfit Hayden dressed herself in a few weeks ago. I helped her put on the leggings and bathing suit top but she told me to! How I forgot to post it is beyond me.

Nie Nie

2010-10-13T10:10:00.000-04:00

http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/2010/10/bluelily-photovideo.html

God! This is gorgeous, lovely...seriously heartbreakingly beautiful.

1st ~ 5th

2010-10-08T14:45:00.000-04:00

Several Various Items Containing No Substance Whatsoever

1st : cheese

Trouble in the form of toddlers!

2nd : daddy-daughter time

Makin' mama nervous!

3rd : mother nature (via shitty-ass pics)

October 6, 2010

October 8, 2010 - October 10, 2010

4th : oldies, but goodies

Holy hair!

Hard to beat a Mercedes and a paci!

5th : hank

LOVE this photo of Hank.

This Moment : Week Fifteen

2010-10-08T13:31:00.001-04:00

This : That

2010-10-08T12:17:00.000-04:00

The weather has been, shall I say, fickle..ranging from 40-75. One definitely needs long sleeves and a sweater, jeans, socks, shoes. All things Hayden has adamantly refused to wear. Flip-flops! Flip-flops! No kid! No, flops. Sorry.

She took her socks and pants off last night before she went to bed. I pick my battles with her and arguing with her to put them back on was not something I was interested in. So this morning she makes her way upstairs to where I am and stands in front of me. Shivering. "I cold," she said. Well, duh!

My plan for this weekend is to spend $100 on appropriate cold-weather clothing for her. She has nothing to get her through fall much less winter. All of her pants are either too short in length or too big in the waist. Her shirts are too short in length and in the arms. Hell, she's grown a damn foot since last fall.

(I'm trying to recall what symbol I used to transition to another topic, mind stump!)

Anyway, I used my night guard for the first time last night. Honestly, I could tell a difference when I woke up this morning. My jaw was slightly painful but compared to what it has been, it felt pretty damn alright. I told Chip that it really makes me wish I had taken care of it sooner. All those years...pretty fucked up actually.

+

There we go...maybe a simple plus sign is an adequate transition symbol. Seems fitting. I am indeed adding to what has already spewed from my hole.

+

That about covers it, not a whole lot going on around here. Back tomorrow. Maybe.

Well That Explains It!!

2010-10-04T17:00:00.000-04:00

I've had a mild to sometimes severe pain in my jaw for years. Years.

I'll just come right out and admit that I am not one to frequent the dentist.

I had a tooth (#1) in my head that was broken for years. Years. I grew balls and had it pulled last November. When the dentist pulled that tooth he filled the one next to it (#2). He stated that the filling was quite deep and it may or may not end up having to have a root canal.

Again, this was last November, and I have not been pain free since. Needless to say, the tooth the dentist filled in hopes of avoiding a root canal was going to have to be fixed. I made the appointment for this morning. After x-rays and a brief exam the dentist told me that the tooth was not inflamed or infected, it looked great actually. What had been causing me pain for so long was not the tooth I had pulled or the tooth I had filled...it was TMJ.

My nanny, aunt and uncle all have TMJ.

Honestly, this explains a lot.

I don't know if it is good news or bad news, really. I went in expecting to have to pay out of pocket for one root canal, possibly two (# 12 is fucked too)! Instead, I came out the owner of an occlusal guard and a tooth filled with composite resin. All for $607!

I also now have a doctor's excuse for when Chip wants a....

Legit!

Funny how things seem to work out in my favor, for the most part.

PS ~ We took Hayden to the dentist as well. Her chipped tooth apparently isn't an issue until it turns brown, falls out and/or is an obvious nuisance to her. So, ONWARD!

This Moment : Week Fourteen

2010-10-01T16:40:00.001-04:00

Three People, Two Days, One Goal

2010-09-27T14:58:00.000-04:00

Saturday came and went, we did not move Hayden to her "big girl bed" upstairs. We did manage to take our bed apart in preparation for moving it downstairs.

Sunday brought much-needed rain and a very nonchalant attitiude on my part. However, we did make progress, even if only slightly.

Let's see...first we dismantled the crib, taking off the front panel only, thus creating a "big girl bed." Hayden took right to it. By that I mean she took to climbing on it and jumping maniacally to the floor. Repeatedly.

The thrill wore off as quick as a fart escapes Chip's ass the minute he stands up each morning when we told her she was going to take a nap in her new bed.

(We knew the change wouldn't be easy, but that's all we knew. This is our first rodeo too.)

Twenty minutes later Hayden was still scurrying around her room, sitting on top of Kiki, standing at her door looking downright pitiful. She was saved from the first attempt at a nap by her nanny and papaw Mac stopping by.

After they left we decided to try it again, we have balls, they're huge. This time we brought a twin mattress into her room and put it on the floor. Hayden was super excited about this. She jumped and jumped and was over the moon when she realized she could sleep side by side with ~~bitch-face~~ Kiki. At this point I thought we might have a winner in the mattress idea. I was wrong. An hour and a half later (NO SHIT!) she was still sauntering around her room with no intention of laying down and going to sleep. With no clue what else to do we put the front panel back on her crib and put her in it. That didn't go over well, of course. Hayden went wild but eventually fell asleep, for three hours.

After visiting with my brother and his family, taking a much needed drive, grabbing a pizza and hanging out on the couch, it was time for round, what, three. At around nine o'clock we told Hayden that it was time to go to sleep. We told her good night and put her in her bedroom with Kiki, on her big girl bed. She spent about thirty minutes wandering and wallowing before she fell asleep.

This morning I came downstairs and poked my head around the corner of her door. There she was, curled up in her bed next to Kiki.

The good news, she slept in her "big girl bed" all night.
The bad news, she was awake when I peeked in at her this morning and she saw me, it was 6:15. Sorry, daddy.
The other news, our bed...yeah, still in shambles.

...the things we do for our babies.

From One Day to the Next

2010-09-24T16:10:00.000-04:00

It's hot, sunny, a feel-good ninety degrees. The windows are down, a breeze is blowing. My hair is pulled back, sunglasses on. Creedence is caressing my ears. I'm cruising down a curvy back road along with the smell of woodsmoke.

It's wet, foggy, a sticky seventy-five degrees. The windows are at the half way mark, everything is still. My hair is down, no sunglasses on. Bad Company is blasting in my ears. I'm cruising down a curvy back road along with my thoughts of yesterday.

I've Waited Patiently & I Deserve Her

2010-09-21T16:57:00.001-04:00

This bad bitch is mine!
Hallelujah!

The Last Weekend of Summer

2010-09-20T16:45:00.000-04:00

Weekend Rewind

Hayden said shit! twice, once in public. Thankfully, she was with nanny, so it reflected poorly on her, not me!

Chip and I drove 51 miles in the wrong direction. Who knew you were supposed to go south when leaving Kentucky in route to Georgia? Apparently not Chip. Totally my fault though as I was reading a magazine when we cruised by several signs with the letter N on them. For future reference, Chip, N means north...as in up. Heed the advice I gave you: when in doubt, always head south.

Dollar General rewarded me handsomely by slashing prices on its summer shenanigans. $2.50 for a slip-n-slide. Why I have wanted one of these is...well, beyond me. After some major confidence-boosting by Chip and complete disregard to the warnings on the box I slipped, and slid and fucked up the skin on my elbow.

Slip-n-slide FAIL!

Slip-n-slide SUCCESS!

We wrapped up the summer with one hell of a busy but relaxing weekend, is that possible? We are ready for fall and the fun that comes with being cooped up and cold...did I just say that? SHIT! That is so not true.

This Moment : Week Thirteen

2010-09-17T14:05:00.002-04:00

Hayden von Brinkhaus

2010-09-13T16:39:00.002-04:00

Hayden thinks she is a puppy or a dog, or perhaps a puppy dog...

She nibbles on kibble. This has gone on for quite some time. As with almost anything that takes place frequently I have become desensitized to it. Ah, you want to eat dog food...have at it!

The sniffing started a couple of weeks ago. I noticed she was sniffing me one morning when I got her out of her crib, paid it no mind because hey, I'm not raising a dog. Sandy and mom said she was sniffing them too. And papaw...and daddy. If Khan could talk he would no doubt tell me it took all he had not to hike up on her because she had her nose up his ass.

She also laps water, meaning she takes it in with her tongue...while on all fours.

But, this past weekend, well, she did one better. Better than eating dog food, better than sniffing dog ass, better than swishing dog saliva around in her mouth....

She followed Khan around outside until he realized he couldn't lose her and said fuck it! I'm going to shit right here!

So, what did Hayden do...she hauled ass, tried to lose me, realized she couldn't and said fuck it! I'm going to shit right here!

Look, proof!

Fresh and not-so-clean!

Edited to add the most repulsive behavior to date, in my opinion anyway:

The other night Hayden and I were sitting on the couch and I went into the kitchen to get something only to come back around the corner and see Hayden sitting on the couch licking her big toe. Yes, licking her big toe! Lo and behold, there sat Khan, not two feet away, licking his paw. Shit : not! Considering she just followed him around barefoot a couple of hours before this tops the entire act of shitting outside! Right!?

This Moment : Week Twelve

2010-09-10T16:52:00.000-04:00

Briefing: 2 years, 6 months and 23 days

2010-09-10T16:43:00.001-04:00

Hayden,
It's been six and a half months since I've written any words to you here in this space. My last posted letter to you fell on your second birthday, February 18th, no coincidence.

Simply, I want to tell you a bit about yourself at the ripe age of two and a half and then some. You are exactly 2 years, 6 months and 23 days old if you include today. Neat, huh?

So, there are things that you love and things that I love about you.

You love your flip-flops! Hayden, my dear, you have a flip-flop fetish. Seriously! That's the only way I know to describe it. Your favorite pair (thanks to nanny you have many) don't actually belong together. One red, one purple, in varying sizes, is how you prefer to flop around in your "lip-lops." When I refuse to put on a pair of flip-flops that you are all but forcing on my feet, you get pissed! And whine! For the love of God, free the flop man!

You love your big girl panties! No argument from me here. You like to wear them, I like for you to wear them too!

You love chocolate milk!

You love your tricycle! Where do I begin? For so long I wanted you to get on your tricycle and ride. Now, hell, I wish I could get on the damn thing, ride it down the road and hurl it into the woods. Never, ever, ever, ever to be seen again. The problem lies in the fact that the trike won't go uphill in grass! Imagine that! One day you'll figure it out, by then I will have lost my sanity and my hearing. My patience for you with your beloved tricycle took a hike this past Tuesday. Good times!

You love your flashlight! I bought you a Tyke Light at the beginning of the year. You did not like it or want it in your crib at first, but have since come around and in a big way. Now, the flashlight is one of your must-have items when you go to bed. You love it, I only like it, probably because it ratted me out when I tried to do a pacifier switcharoo on you back in June.

Speaking of...you love your pacifier! Better known as "assy." Uh, yeah. I have nothing more to say about assy, except it sucks ass(y)! I blame myself. I caved. You can thank me later.

You love your blanket! The fine piece of fabric you have attched to your hip started out quite large. It took only a couple of oh! shit! I! forgot! the! blanket! at! Sandy's! catastrophes before I whacked it into two pieces. One stays at home, the other at Sandy's. I am still not sure if you realize I did to this to your #1 but there it is. Besides, I figure another year or so tops and your blanket will shrivel up and disintegrate. It was, how shall I put this, a bargian buy, by nanny of course. Truthfully, I'm more than surprised it is still around and in one piece, well, two, sorry.

The love that you have for these things doesn't come close to the love that I have for you, Hayden. I love that you exist. That you resemble your daddy and I, but that you look like you. I love your curls, your choice of words. I swoon over your unique smile. You are smart, opinionated, curious...I love those qualities. I love the way you hold my finger instead of my hand. I love the little things: your bruised toe, chipped tooth, painted fingernails, dirty knees. You are you and you are mine. And I, baby doll, am yours. For always.

Love,
Mama

Redneck I Reckon

2010-09-08T13:20:00.000-04:00

As if this isn't enough, hunting season starts this weekend!

Please note that this monstrosity hangs on my fucking porch!

Innocence, Or Lack Thereof

2010-09-08T12:30:00.001-04:00

We pulled up to the light at the intersection to make a right-hand turn and apparently Chip thought he was getting one over on the traffic coming from the opposite direction because he blurted out, "Take that in the butt!"

A little voice from the back seat reiterated, "Take at'na butt!

See where this is going?

Inevitably, Hayden is going to blurt out the one-liner she heard roll off her daddy's tongue at one inappropriate time after another, probably when he is nowhere to be seen.

I've been there, heard a child say something widly inappropriate. I've done that, blamed the parent(s).

In this particular case I would ask that something much more obvious be at fault: Innocence

Although, there is nothing innocent about me having to explain that my daughter repeated something vulgar her daddy said in her presence. Nor is there anything innocent about me having to defend myself to the person who now thinks I take it in the butt.

I SWEAR DUDE! I DO NOT TAKE IT IN THE BUTT! I SWEAR!
PLEASE!
PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE!
BELIEVE ME!
I BEG YOU.

Repeated Friction, Constant Grinding : Gone, Just Like That!

2010-09-01T16:58:00.002-04:00

It all started with this, a first:

June 23, 2010

A hard spot on my bird finger, the one on my right hand. For days I flicked it with my thumb nail, dumbfounded. I figured it was a wart which really made no sense as the only wart I've ever had was on my knee. My great grandfather rubbed it with his thumb when I was but a child and told me to look at it every day and it would go away. I did, it did. So, this spot...while driving to work one morning it occured to me that that particular finger is my scrolling finger. After more than a week of bewilderment I figured it out. The hard spot was a callus from working my poor finger to the ~~almost~~ bone.

And that is how my summer started.

That is how it stayed, up until today pretty much.

The career path I am on right now is one that allows me down time more than it cripples me with chaos. When chaos does occur, and occur it will, it knocks me down.

So, here I sit...for nine hours a day. Not a damn thing to do to speak of and certainly not complaining.

I so need this.

So It Goes...

2010-08-28T18:54:00.001-04:00

Post Worthy

2010-08-13T16:53:00.000-04:00

HOLY FUCK ~ IT IS HOT

Chatsworth, Georgia

102.3 °F

Heat Index: 119 °F

It is also:

Friday

Almost 5:00

HELL YEAH!

Squeezed In

2010-07-24T11:13:00.000-04:00

Over a month has passed, this I know. Although, there is nothing I can do, I can't create another two hours in the day. Two hours is probably more than I would need anyway.

I've made notes...
Took pictures...

Sooner or later I'll get my time back, probably later. No, I won't really get it back but I can attempt to make up for it...lost time.

It's sucking, my work. Pulling out the shitty side of me. Not every day, most though. It will be over soon and a change will come. I wait, not with patience, of course. I have none, but I knew that already.

This Moment : Week Eleven

2010-06-18T21:58:00.000-04:00

I Pray for Lots'a People, Really, I do!

2010-06-16T20:26:00.000-04:00

While driving to work the other day a song came on the radio and I just about turned the station. The above is what I heard. Go read the comment section, you'll be glad you did.

Take THAT! Ken Brown!

This Moment : Week Ten

2010-06-11T16:05:00.002-04:00

This Moment : Week Nine

2010-06-04T16:34:00.002-04:00

This Moment : Week Eight

2010-05-28T16:46:00.002-04:00

This Moment : Week Seven

2010-05-21T07:33:00.000-04:00

Seven

2010-05-20T16:07:00.001-04:00

As with last year and the year before that, my story-telling/bull-shitting will all but come to a screeching halt during the summer months. May - September are incredibly arduous. I hustle, persevere and am ever so thankful when October comes around and I can finally sit back in my office chair, breathe deeply and exhale what always proves to be a season straight out of hell.

I could go on and on when it comes to my work, to be honest, the fear of someone I work with someday reading what I write is enough to intice me to keep my trap shut. Not that I actually think anyone I work with reads this, I know otherwise. However, the minute I spew shit on here is the minute prior to some dude in the back googling daffy, driving, dribble and having an epiphany.

Right.

Hayden shit in her potty two days ago. How's that for a transition? Work = Shit, or rather, work makes me think about shit. Shit, work, work, shit. Oh, me!

I thought that perhaps this was her very first #2 in her potty and I appear to be correct. After a thorough search of the two posts under the "bowel movements" label I found nothing more than proof that she had peed in her potty three days in a row and shit in the bathtub two days in a row.

Let it be known that at one day shy of 27 months old Hayden successfully dropped a coupl'a turds right where turds are supposed to be dropped. GO! HAYDEN!

She hasn't done it since. There's that.

There's also Yin. She finally delivered her puppies last night, poor bitch looked like she was gonna blow. She looked excruciatingly miserable.
I walked to the door of the ~~laundry~~ whelping room last night and looked down at Yin and her pups...one, two, three, four, five, six, seven...and so it begins, "THE COUNTING!" I anticipate thousands of head counts in the next couple of months. Save. Me. From. The. Insanity.

I like instant gratification, I just do. It is that time of year again...flies and ants are back, and BAD!
ME + FLYSWATTER = INSTANT GRATIFICATION

Well, tomorrow is Friday. I'm going to try and follow through on two things: This Moment and Bits. I'm lucky to have found the time for this post so we'll see how it goes.

Until next time...

This Moment : Week Six

2010-05-14T21:34:00.001-04:00

Life Less Saturated

2010-05-04T15:42:00.000-04:00

This past weekend we went to a dog show in Caryville, TN, just east of the massive storm that tore through the state. Hayden and I left Chip standing ringside and headed to the pier/playground. The wind was remarkable, as evidenced by Hayden's hair in the second photo below. Here's to being outside and enjoying spring, even when at risk of being blown away!

Akira Elex Rott: Wreaker of Havoc

2010-04-30T15:16:00.001-04:00

Defendant:

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Note that 3 straps are missing and only two were found.

Exhibit D:

Akira (Kiki to us) is Chip's all-time favorite bitch. He loved her before he owned her. I can understand why, she is gorgeous, even past her prime, and she throws awesome litters. These facts are evident from a distance. Furthermore, I must say, up close and personal she really is a gentle dog with a tender heart that fits into our family well.

Talk em' up to beat em' down...

Kiki has faults, three of them that I am acutely aware of.

1. She shits and pisses wherever her tender heart desires

2. She chews Hayden's stuffed animals, mine and Hayden's shoes and apparently napkins (see: Exhibit D)

3. She listens for shit, to me anyway

Unfortunately, a trend is developing. I have not a clue how Hayden and I have offended her but she is hell-bent on taking her anger/resentment out on our belongings. I can't recall a single thing of Chip's that has succumbed to the havoc that is Kiki on a seek and destroy mission. Nothing!

Which brings me to my next point...Chip is unfazed by her antics. He couldn't care less what and how much she is demolishing. He can, however, bring it to my attention that "she gave [me] warning after warning." He can do this at 7:15 AM! He can remind me that this is not the first time she has chewed my shit up and that this is all my fault because hey! she's done this before...haven't I learned anything from my mistakes?!

I wonder if he would feel the same way had it been the whisker biscuit off his bow that she all but shredded?

Or his Brinkhaus hat? At this point I know for a fact that I could dismantle said whisker biscuit and leave it inside said hat on the couch right by my scrunchie, wake up the next morning and find his whisker biscuit and hat wrapped in a bow and my scrunchie in her morning dump.

I am bitter and I do not appreciate Chip coming to the defense of some other bitch.

What goes around comes around, he'll get his. See, now I'm taking Kiki's behavior out on him. Funny how that works!

Hop : Skip : Jump

2010-04-20T16:22:00.000-04:00

WoW!

Summer is without a doubt approaching fast.

Work is bending me over.

Need. Relief.

And...
I'll get it tomorrow. In the form of CARRIE AND FLORIDA!

HOLY SHIT! I am so fucking excited, so is Carrie, I can hear it in her voice when I talk to her.

~

Hayden has drawn all over our couch with a pen, a purple (just switched to the updated editing version, look: colored text!) one. At least three times a week she will point to the scribbles and declare, "I did that!"

She will repeat this until I say, "Yes, you did that."

Sandy said the two of them were looking through a library book, a pop-up one. One of the pop-ups was torn from the book. Hayden noticed and said, "Kiki did that!"

Impossible, for Kiki is a dog.

So the blame game begins.

~

The cap to our toothpaste went missing (see: Hayden). I looked for it for days, apparently not hard enough though, it was right under my ass:

~

The constant mowing has started again, as it does every year. I keep hoping that the yard will just mow itself but lo: NO!
I can't complain too much though, there is solitude in a good mow job, right? Right.

~

Two more things and then I am out for a few days, more like five!

Chip finished (all but the wood running horizontally) ~~Hayden's pen~~ our fence on Sunday.

JOY!

You can't see it but there is field fence running along the posts, and a gate! A real gate! It closes and everything, much to Hayden's disappointment.

I'll end with one more beautiful thing, my baby's dirty toes:

~

P.S. NO WORK FOR 5 DAYS! Did I say that already?

This Moment : Week Five

2010-04-16T16:16:00.001-04:00

Five For The Man, Now Two For you

2010-04-09T16:19:00.005-04:00

I went to Food Lion last weekend and scored big time! While walking the cereal aisle a voice came over the intercom and announced that all of the potted plants in the floral department were .99 cents.
.99 CENTS!! I casually hauled ass across the store and found several women with their buggies already full of plants, flowers, gift baskets. I jumped right in, spending a whole $10 bucks!

Check it:

After I got home and sorted through everything I added up what I would have spent had I not just stumbled on the deal of the damn day! $57.00!

~

I don't want to jinx what is happening but I have to report...
The pacifier is looking like it may be on its way out. Chip and I have noticed that Hayden doesn't seem to miss it when she doesn't have it. She doesn't ask for it or look for it until she is ready for bed. I thought we would play hell breaking her pacifier habit/dependency. It looks like we may not after all. How awesome is that? Very awesome! Very, very awesome! I honestly didn't feel like inventing a paci fairy but I would have, and still will, if it becomes necessary. I told myself I wouldn't push the "no pacifier" issue right now and I'm not going to, all in good time, right?

~

I started a blog for our kennel yesterday: Brinkhaus Rottweilers

So, there's that!

~

I'm running short on time.

Credit to Kidd Kraddick for the title post/quote.

I permed my hair about a month ago (like 1980's permed) and have yet to post a photo, not for lack of trying I might add. One day I'll take a decent photo and add it here. I asure you, you aren't missing much.

~

Oh, also...
Is it terribly rude/mean/cold-hearted to make fun of someone's spelling, repeatedly (as in that person repeatedly spelling words incorrectly and me making fun of them every single time)? Is it even ruder/meaner/more cold-hearted to assume they are a dumb ass because they can't spell a licke, I mean lick?

I Spy Something Green

2010-04-06T14:27:00.006-04:00

This Moment : Week Four

2010-04-03T08:49:00.001-04:00

Bits

2010-04-02T16:35:00.006-04:00

IT SUCKS TO BE ME...(not too bad though, it's only a "courtesy warning")

So I speed, whoopitydo!

GET OVER IT

I am usually up until around 10:00 at night. Last night Hayden wouldn't go to sleep so I took her upstairs around 9:00 and laid down with her, fulling intending to get back up for a bit. I fell asleep. Shocker!

I go downstairs to the bathroom this morning, flip on the switch, with my eyes still adjusting to the light I sit down on the toilet to pee and am rudely awakened by what I believe to be piss running down my leg. I jump up, try to clinch the flow, can't (damn kegals!), piss on the floor a little bit, look down and realize some asshole has covered the toilet with clear cling wrap. I jerked it off (carefully) and sat my ass back down to finish what I started.

I am plotting a revenge like non other...GET OVER IT! CHIP!

Hate to say it BUT I want these little fuckers gone:

DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAZY?

In Bloom

2010-03-30T15:45:00.003-04:00

I realize I talk quite a bit about Hayden's hair. Her hair is the first thing people comment on when they see her. It's ornamental, and beautiful.

Just like the cherry trees in my parent's yard.

I am ecstatic that spring is here. The seasons are changing and I can see it, feel it.

Last year I posted a picture a day for the entire first month of spring. I'm skipping that this year. I'll leave it at the top photo and move on.

So, I probably just lied, I'll post other photos, just not every day.

It really is a gorgeous time of year in north Georgia. Especially, with Hayden by my side.

Copy:Paste (started on the 23rd)

2010-03-30T12:28:00.002-04:00

Where's paci at? * Shoes off. * Puppies out. * Thank you. * Bath, please. * Get up daddy. * What are you doing? * Please. Please. Please.

Not only is Hayden talking, she is talking in sentences. This started recently, much to my delight and blatant shock. No longer does she say paci, paci...it's...where(s) paci at?

I can be cleaning in the living room and she'll come through and demand to know what I am doing. It sounds like this: ottor-oo-doing?

Mindblowing I tell you! Seriously, I look down at her like dude, did you just speak to me? In a full sentence? HOLY SHIT! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! You are speaking to me. And what you are saying makes sense.

She has also caught on to the fact that please will get her just about anything, within reason. It was close to her bed time the other night and she decided she wanted to take a bath. We, in no way, shape or form wanted to give her a bath, it was around 8:00 or so and one of us had something terribly important to watch on TV. Sue me! Chip has started giving Hayden a bath in the mornings on Tuesdays and Thursdays (she goes to Sandy those two days and we want her hair presentable) instead of the night before. So anyway, she wants to take a bath and we know this becasue she is standing in front of us demanding a bath (the enunciation of the 'th' is like none I've ever heard). We reward her with no response. I look at Chip out of the corner of my eye, he does the same to me. We don't say a word in hopes that she will just give it up. Lo and behold she busts out the manners..."Please. Please," (which comes out as peas) she begs. I look at Chip and we agree that we just can't deny her a bath when she is asking so politely. So, he sucked it up and gave Ms. Manners a bath.

Fast forward to yesterday. Outside...please. Shoes...please. Puppies out please. GAH! Now what?

~

Hayden's 2 year well-check was last Friday. Everything went very well! Here are her stats:

Height: 3' exact (give or take an 1/8 of an inch, LOL!)
Weight: 27.2 lbs

Overall Diagnosis: Healthy!

Awesomeness right there! I love me some healthy, especially in the form of a toddler.

~

I took off work last Friday, to do the doctor thing and to try and get Chip a vehicle. We succeeded in both!

Now, I don't love the truck, but Chip seems to and he is the one who drives it. Works for me.

~

Hayden and I went to two birthday parties last weekend. Both for my cousin's kids. I dressed her in what E would call a "gertie" outfit and off we went.

Party #1

Party #2

We had a fun time at both parties. It makes me wish Hayden had a playmate her age that she was around more than once a week. Right now she may or may not see Isaiah or Ingrid during the week. There are weeks she goes without seeing a single child. It'll be fine, I know. She is social and does jump right in when other kids are around and playing. I won't go into detail about her pushing Ingrid down and bending her finger back yesterday.

Moving on...

I met Dustin's babies two weekends ago. Just look how sweet they are:

I think I'll end it there, perfection!

This Moment : Week Three

2010-03-26T16:51:00.003-04:00

Seven

2010-03-12T16:11:00.007-05:00

Last week Hayden and Chip woke up to a bird flying around in the bedroom. A bird. Flying. In the bedroom.

Hayden was spooked at first. Chip carefully opened the door leading to the deck off of the bedroom and out it flew.

"Bird," declared Hayden.

It sucks to be them!

...

I overheard Chip talking on the phone a few days ago...
"My schedule is fairly wide open," he proclaimed.
Fairly. Wide. Open.
What are the chances of that? Slim to none in my case. My schedule is never fairly wide open, except for Saturdays and Sundays, even then I have to clear my plans with Hayden.
Fairly wide open. Ha!

...

I go into Hayden's room each and every evening in order to straighten her sheet, blankets and pillows. Just a couple of months ago I was on the verge of moving her to a toddler bed. I am happy to say that I exercised a little patience and didn't. She hasn't tried to escape again and she sleeps like a champ for the most part. I credit this to my habit of making her bed just so.

...

"You got it!"
"I got it!"
So went the short exchange between Hayden and I recently. Pronouns, really, at age two?!

...

I don't know if I have ever posted anything about Moo cards. I love the mini cards. I've spent the past two Decembers uploading 100 photos to the Moo website in order to have the mini cards made. I have my favorite photos of Hayden's first and second years on my refrigerator.

...

I went out to my mom's car (loaner) on Friday morning to go to work and had what I deem a "fucking idiot" moment. I grabbed the keys to fire it up and found this (including the metal ring that keys actually do attach to):

I sit for a few seconds, wondering why in hell Chip would take the key off the ring, he knows I'm almost always in a rush when leaving the house. Does he really want to piss me off, because this would so work?! Realizing I have to do something I go back into the house, wake up the sleeping beauties and hold that key directly in front of his face, like WTF!! Hayden starts to cry, mama just ruined whatever bliss she had going. Chip calmly takes the key and pushes the little black button in the corner. Out pops the key! He, of course, thinks this is hilarious.

I, of course, think him not being able to spell don't correctly is even more side-splitting. D-o apostrophe n-t!! Oh my God, it gets me every time. It will never get old.

...

Also, I have come to a conclusion (with the help of Chip, who this also applies to):

I AM HAYDEN'S BUZZ KILL.

This Moment : Week Two

2010-03-12T15:57:00.002-05:00

I Shit You Not

2010-03-08T11:29:00.003-05:00

Him: "How do you spell don't?"

Me: "How did you spell it?"

Him: "D-o apostrophe n-t."

Me: (hysterical silent laughter) "No! D-o-n apostrophe t."

Him: "Weird. I've spelled it that way for years."

Me: "I know. I thought it was a typo."

This Moment : Week One

2010-03-05T12:33:00.004-05:00

Numerous weeks ago I dedicated Friday's to bits. I followed through exactly one time. Par and GO! me.

I'm still going to stick with it if I have something to bitch about which shouldn't be all that difficult, but hell, some weeks it is hard to think of a reason that it sucks to be me (for this I am thankful). Shit is going fairly smooth once again. I can roll with the flow all day. Maybe I will start doing bits about Chip, he has more bad luck than I do. Bad luck fairs well when doing bits.

Wait! I got one, referencing Chip, of course.

Pipes froze, no water, toilet piled high with shit. Shit that was not my own.
IT SUCKS TO BE ME CHIP!

Use your imagination.

So, anyway...

Soule Mama has a Friday ritual: {this moment}

I plan to follow her lead. How difficult can posting a photo and not writing a single word be? Besides, I love this sort of thing.

Above is my photo for this week, taken today. I cheated. I added some words to the photo but will refrain from doing so next week!

Enjoy!

Daffy Driving Dribble

2010-03-04T11:21:00.005-05:00

I was backing out of my driveway this morning and something yellow caught my eye. Hallelujah! The daffodils are back in bloom. Spring is just around the corner and I can see it!

Yesterday after work I'm driving home, minding my own, running about 65, give or take, probably give. An SUV pulls up to the stop sign on the opposite side of the road, surely he is going to wait for me to pass before pulling out, right? Not a chance in hell! He pulls his piece into my lane which causes me to have to tap my brakes. I'm pissed, couldn't he have just had a little patience? Behold, he slaps on his blinker. I proceed to whip it around him and lay on my horn at the same time (I'm fearless like that). He lays on his horn and throws his hands up, because you know, I pulled out in front of him and then threw my turn signal on. I give the dude my meanest look only realize there's a bitch driving the SUV. My bad, I should have known!

Let it be known that if you pull out in front of someone, make them slow down and then turn you deserve to have your head crammed even further up your ass.

And no, I am not bitter!

Two days ago I was driving home after work and had no choice but to cruise right underneath a flock of what I believe was a few thousand birds. I commented (to myself) how amazing it was that I just drove my car through what could have been a shit-fest without a drizzle of poop on my windshield.

I went out yesterday to get in my car and realized that I was wrong. Very, very wrong. It's bad! The bird shit! How I didn't see it when it landed is beyond me. I repeat, it's bad! And brown. All over.

SHIT!!

The end.

The Twins Have Arrived

2010-03-02T10:38:00.004-05:00

My cousin, Dustin, died unexpectedly last August. His girlfriend was about seven weeks pregnant...with twins!

The twins were born yesterday, March 1, 2010.

Welcome!
Kyle
&
Kylee

Much love surrounds these babies, their mother and of course, Myra, Alvin and DJ.

I miss Dustin. I wish he was here. We all do.

Once Biten

2010-02-26T10:25:00.005-05:00

Last Wednesday I went to pick Hayden up from school. Upon entering the director's office I was informed that there had been an incident. A biting incident. Isaiah, yes, her cousin, Isaiah, bit her on the top of her left arm.

Evidence: Exhibit A

Evidence: Exhibit B

One week later!

Little SHIT!

Briefing: Terrible Transcendental Twos

2010-02-18T16:09:00.001-05:00

February 18, 2009

February 18, 2010

Little Miss Hayden,

You are 2 years old today!

You are a walking, talking, singing, burping, farting mess of a little girl.

Your second year passed me by even quicker than your first year. How is that possible? Will each year feel like it is shorter than the one before it?

You are deeply in love with the Wiggles. They fuel your dancing fire, and when you dance, Hayden, you are on fire!

You have the sweetest most innocent voice.

You flatter me by imitating me.

You say “love you” at bedtime, and well, those words leave me speechless.

You laugh hysterically until you get hiccups and/or puke up the chocolate you just ate while visiting nanny and papaw.

You play hard.

The smell of your hair follows you around. I follow you around too.

On your hands are painted nails, dirt lives in the creases of your palm.

You have perfected what appears to be a gallop crossed with a jump. It is by far your favorite dance move.

Your chipped tooth, I love it.

You have been blessed with fabulous hair. It curls, frizzes, stands on end, never lays flat and slaps me around when I get lippy.

You climb on the couch beside me each night and wiggle your toes around until they find a spot I’ve made warm especially for you.

You are hell-bent on trashing the one nap you allow yourself daily. I am hell-bent on you doing no such thing.

You have two fish, PB and Jay. You love them.

You sneak into the bathroom hoping you’ll find my make up before I find you.

You are so much fun.

You make my life more interesting and full than it has ever been.

You occasionally throw yourself on the floor as a form of self expression.

You scale the confines of your crib in an attempt to show us you can accomplish your goals.

You play the harmonica. The dogs howl. I laugh.

You know a few of the dogs names but refer to all of them as Kiki, she is your favorite.

You pick boogers. You eat them too.

You think it's funny to try and lick your daddy and I when we kiss you good night.

You sleep through the night in the same crib you flee from.

You sleep with daddy and I and creep closer and closer to me until my head is
fighting for just a sliver of the bed.

You high five.

You started school on Monday. You love it!

You know a big bite when you see one. "Big bite, big bite," you repeat as if we aren't listening. Hayden, we hear everything.

"Ready, ready, ready?" You chant this in preparation for jumping off the couch. You repeat this about fifty times a night. Joy!

You are a healthy toddler-tummied 26lbs.

You and Ingrid are going to be tall, you're at 35" right now. Isaiah wasn't tapped with the tall stick, but that's perfectly perfect, he's Isaiah.

You have picked up a sinister laugh. It is brilliant.

You yell "papaw, papaw" as we approach the one red light in his itty-bitty town.

You are mama’s baby.

You are daddy’s girl.

Some days, when I look at you, I see me.

You bring me toilet paper when I am in a "damn, I guess I will have to drip dry" situation.

You are growing up right in front of my eyes, so, so fast. I beg you, please stop!

You go from whiny teenager to innocent child in the blink of an eye.

Your pink and brown blanket is your bff.

You are my sunshine.

I love you with all my heart, and then some.

Love,
Mama

P.S. Yesterday I was changing your diaper and I noticed what appeared to be a left over wipe in the crack of your ass (daddy!). I used my pointer finger and thumb to extract it. I pulled out a warm, fresh-squeezed turd from your ass instead. There were witnesses!

P.S.S. Please potty train soon...and easily.

Bread Plan (Not Bed Pan)

2010-02-17T12:49:00.006-05:00

After seven loaves (six made by Chip, one by yours truly) and one chipped tooth...

Behold:

The Perfect Traditional White Bread

I made this loaf, obviously. Of course, I do have a little secret.

It rhymes with fred taker.

Chip's brother has been making bread as well. To hear him tell it his bread is a success. I doubt him though. My doubt has absolutely nothing to do with the seven loaves and one chipped tooth I mentioned earlier. Sure, others can have success where we fail, I realize this. But dude, we are talking about bread making - something it takes years to perfect. It is an art.

The brother in law is visiting this weekend and I have concocted a plan. I am going to use old fred taker once again and prepare two loaves before he arrives. I do so want him to taste my 'homemade' bread. I want him to compare it to his. I may or may not reveal to him my little secret. It depends on his comparison and how nice he is.

Who am I kidding?

I'm not saying a word.

Birthday Attire

2010-02-17T12:48:00.005-05:00

I finished Hayden's shirt for her birthday party weeks ago. Ingrid's too, although I don't have a single photo of it. I'll get one of her wearing it, even better!

Here's last year's onesie.

I used felt to make a cupcake, two candles, her name and the number two. I stitched the cupcake to the front and her name and age to the back. I added some glitter and whatnots and viola!

I hope she likes these birthday shirts as much as I do. I plan to make them for her until she refuses to wear them.

Nine more hours, well, technically just under twenty four hours (she was born at 3:07 pm), and Hayden will be two years old! TWO!!

I just shit myself.

Remnants of February 12th

2010-02-17T10:47:00.012-05:00

Happy ~ Love ~ Day.

2010-02-14T12:59:00.002-05:00

Crayons.
Snow.

All we need now is a little sunshine, scratch that, A LOT of sunSHINE!

Mama Loves Hayden

2010-02-11T13:29:00.001-05:00

One week from today I will have myself a two year old!