Monday, September 27, 2010

Three People, Two Days, One Goal

Saturday came and went, we did not move Hayden to her "big girl bed" upstairs. We did manage to take our bed apart in preparation for moving it downstairs.

Sunday brought much-needed rain and a very nonchalant attitiude on my part. However, we did make progress, even if only slightly.

Let's see...first we dismantled the crib, taking off the front panel only, thus creating a "big girl bed." Hayden took right to it. By that I mean she took to climbing on it and jumping maniacally to the floor. Repeatedly.

The thrill wore off as quick as a fart escapes Chip's ass the minute he stands up each morning when we told her she was going to take a nap in her new bed.

(We knew the change wouldn't be easy, but that's all we knew. This is our first rodeo too.)

Twenty minutes later Hayden was still scurrying around her room, sitting on top of Kiki, standing at her door looking downright pitiful. She was saved from the first attempt at a nap by her nanny and papaw Mac stopping by.

After they left we decided to try it again, we have balls, they're huge. This time we brought a twin mattress into her room and put it on the floor. Hayden was super excited about this. She jumped and jumped and was over the moon when she realized she could sleep side by side with bitch-face Kiki. At this point I thought we might have a winner in the mattress idea. I was wrong. An hour and a half later (NO SHIT!) she was still sauntering around her room with no intention of laying down and going to sleep. With no clue what else to do we put the front panel back on her crib and put her in it. That didn't go over well, of course. Hayden went wild but eventually fell asleep, for three hours.

After visiting with my brother and his family, taking a much needed drive, grabbing a pizza and hanging out on the couch, it was time for round, what, three. At around nine o'clock we told Hayden that it was time to go to sleep. We told her good night and put her in her bedroom with Kiki, on her big girl bed. She spent about thirty minutes wandering and wallowing before she fell asleep.

This morning I came downstairs and poked my head around the corner of her door. There she was, curled up in her bed next to Kiki.

The good news, she slept in her "big girl bed" all night.
The bad news, she was awake when I peeked in at her  this morning and she saw me, it was 6:15. Sorry, daddy.
The other news, our bed...yeah, still in shambles.

...the things we do for our babies.

Friday, September 24, 2010

From One Day to the Next

It's hot, sunny, a feel-good ninety degrees. The windows are down, a breeze is blowing. My hair is pulled back, sunglasses on. Creedence is caressing my ears. I'm cruising down a curvy back road along with the smell of woodsmoke.

It's wet, foggy, a sticky seventy-five degrees. The windows are at the half way mark, everything is still. My hair is down, no sunglasses on. Bad Company is blasting in my ears. I'm cruising down a curvy back road along with my thoughts of yesterday.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I've Waited Patiently & I Deserve Her


This bad bitch is mine!
Hallelujah!

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Last Weekend of Summer

Weekend Rewind

Hayden said shit! twice, once in public. Thankfully, she was with nanny, so it reflected poorly on her, not me!

Chip and I drove 51 miles in the wrong direction. Who knew you were supposed to go south when leaving Kentucky in route to Georgia? Apparently not Chip. Totally my fault though as I was reading a magazine when we cruised by several signs with the letter N on them. For future reference, Chip, N means north...as in up. Heed the advice I gave you: when in doubt, always head south.

Dollar General rewarded me handsomely by slashing prices on its summer shenanigans. $2.50 for a slip-n-slide. Why I have wanted one of these is...well, beyond me. After some major confidence-boosting by Chip and complete disregard to the warnings on the box I slipped, and slid and fucked up the skin on my elbow.

Slip-n-slide FAIL!



Slip-n-slide SUCCESS!

We wrapped up the summer with one hell of a busy but relaxing weekend, is that possible? We are ready for fall and the fun that comes with being cooped up and cold...did I just say that? SHIT! That is so not true.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Monday, September 13, 2010

Hayden von Brinkhaus

Hayden thinks she is a puppy or a dog, or perhaps a puppy dog...


She nibbles on kibble. This has gone on for quite some time. As with almost anything that takes place frequently I have become desensitized to it. Ah, you want to eat dog food...have at it!

The sniffing started a couple of weeks ago. I noticed she was sniffing me one morning when I got her out of her crib, paid it no mind because hey, I'm not raising a dog. Sandy and mom said she was sniffing them too. And papaw...and daddy. If Khan could talk he would no doubt tell me it took all he had not to hike up on her because she had her nose up his ass.

She also laps water, meaning she takes it in with her tongue...while on all fours.

But, this past weekend, well, she did one better. Better than eating dog food, better than sniffing dog ass, better than swishing dog saliva around in her mouth....

She followed Khan around outside until he realized he couldn't lose her and said fuck it! I'm going to shit right here!

So, what did Hayden do...she hauled ass, tried to lose me, realized she couldn't and said fuck it! I'm going to shit right here!

Look, proof!

Fresh and not-so-clean!

Edited to add the most repulsive behavior to date, in my opinion anyway:

The other night Hayden and I were sitting on the couch and I went into the kitchen to get something only to come back around the corner and see Hayden sitting on the couch licking her big toe. Yes, licking her big toe! Lo and behold, there sat Khan, not two feet away, licking his paw. Shit : not! Considering she just followed him around barefoot a couple of hours before this tops the entire act of shitting outside! Right!?

Friday, September 10, 2010

This Moment : Week Twelve

Briefing: 2 years, 6 months and 23 days

Hayden,
It's been six and a half months since I've written any words to you here in this space. My last posted letter to you fell on your second birthday, February 18th, no coincidence.

Simply, I want to tell you a bit about yourself at the ripe age of two and a half and then some. You are exactly 2 years, 6 months and 23 days old if you include today. Neat, huh?




So, there are things that you love and things that I love about you.

You love your flip-flops! Hayden, my dear, you have a flip-flop fetish. Seriously! That's the only way I know to describe it. Your favorite pair (thanks to nanny you have many) don't actually belong together. One red, one purple, in varying sizes, is how you prefer to flop around in your "lip-lops." When I refuse to put on a pair of flip-flops that you are all but forcing on my feet, you get pissed! And whine! For the love of God, free the flop man!

You love your big girl panties! No argument from me here. You like to wear them, I like for you to wear them too!

You love chocolate milk!

You love your tricycle! Where do I begin? For so long I wanted you to get on your tricycle and ride. Now, hell, I wish I could get on the damn thing, ride it down the road and hurl it into the woods. Never, ever, ever, ever to be seen again. The problem lies in the fact that the trike won't go uphill in grass! Imagine that! One day you'll figure it out, by then I will have lost my sanity and my hearing. My patience for you with your beloved tricycle took a hike this past Tuesday. Good times!



You love your flashlight! I bought you a Tyke Light at the beginning of the year. You did not like it or want it in your crib at first, but have since come around and in a big way. Now, the flashlight is one of your must-have items when you go to bed. You love it, I only like it, probably because it ratted me out when I tried to do a pacifier switcharoo on you back in June.

Speaking of...you love your pacifier! Better known as "assy." Uh, yeah. I have nothing more to say about assy, except it sucks ass(y)! I blame myself. I caved. You can thank me later.

You love your blanket! The fine piece of fabric you have attched to your hip started out quite large. It took only a couple of oh! shit! I! forgot! the! blanket! at! Sandy's! catastrophes before I whacked it into two pieces. One stays at home, the other at Sandy's. I am still not sure if you realize I did to this to your #1 but there it is. Besides, I figure another year or so tops and your blanket will shrivel up and disintegrate. It was, how shall I put this, a bargian buy, by nanny of course. Truthfully, I'm more than surprised it is still around and in one piece, well, two, sorry.

The love that you have for these things doesn't come close to the love that I have for you, Hayden. I love that you exist. That you resemble your daddy and I, but that you look like you. I love your curls, your choice of words. I swoon over your unique smile. You are smart, opinionated, curious...I love those qualities. I love the way you hold my finger instead of my hand. I love the little things: your bruised toe, chipped tooth, painted fingernails, dirty knees. You are you and you are mine. And I, baby doll, am yours. For always.



Love,
Mama

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Redneck I Reckon


As if this isn't enough, hunting season starts this weekend!
Please note that this monstrosity hangs on my fucking porch!

Innocence, Or Lack Thereof

We pulled up to the light at the intersection to make a right-hand turn and apparently Chip thought he was getting one over on the traffic coming from the opposite direction because he blurted out, "Take that in the butt!"

A little voice from the back seat reiterated, "Take at'na butt!

See where this is going?

Inevitably, Hayden is going to blurt out the one-liner she heard roll off her daddy's tongue at one inappropriate time after another, probably when he is nowhere to be seen.

I've been there, heard a child say something widly inappropriate. I've done that, blamed the parent(s).

In this particular case I would ask that something much more obvious be at fault: Innocence

Although, there is nothing innocent about me having to explain that my daughter repeated something vulgar her daddy said in her presence. Nor is there anything innocent about me having to defend myself to the person who now thinks I take it in the butt.

I SWEAR DUDE! I DO NOT TAKE IT IN THE BUTT! I SWEAR!
PLEASE!
PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE!
BELIEVE ME!
I BEG YOU.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Repeated Friction, Constant Grinding : Gone, Just Like That!

It all started with this, a first:
June 23, 2010
A hard spot on my bird finger, the one on my right hand. For days I flicked it with my thumb nail, dumbfounded. I figured it was a wart which really made no sense as the only wart I've ever had was on my knee. My great grandfather rubbed it with his thumb when I was but a child and told me to look at it every day and it would go away. I did, it did. So, this spot...while driving to work one morning it occured to me that that particular finger is my scrolling finger. After more than a week of bewilderment I figured it out. The hard spot was a callus from working my poor finger to the almost bone.

And that is how my summer started.

That is how it stayed, up until today pretty much.

The career path I am on right now is one that allows me down time more than it cripples me with chaos. When chaos does occur, and occur it will, it knocks me down.

So, here I sit...for nine hours a day. Not a damn thing to do to speak of and certainly not complaining.

I so need this.