Friday, April 30, 2010

Akira Elex Rott: Wreaker of Havoc

Defendant:




Exhibit A:




Exhibit B:




Exhibit C:

Note that 3 straps are missing and only two were found.


Exhibit D:




Akira (Kiki to us) is Chip's all-time favorite bitch. He loved her before he owned her. I can understand why, she is gorgeous, even past her prime, and she throws awesome litters. These facts are evident from a distance. Furthermore, I must say, up close and personal she really is a gentle dog with a tender heart that fits into our family well.

Talk em' up to beat em' down...

Kiki has faults, three of them that I am acutely aware of.
1. She shits and pisses wherever her tender heart desires
2. She chews Hayden's stuffed animals, mine and Hayden's shoes and apparently napkins (see: Exhibit D)
3. She listens for shit, to me anyway

Unfortunately, a trend is developing. I have not a clue how Hayden and I have offended her but she is hell-bent on taking her anger/resentment out on our belongings. I can't recall a single thing of Chip's that has succumbed to the havoc that is Kiki on a seek and destroy mission. Nothing!

Which brings me to my next point...Chip is unfazed by her antics. He couldn't care less what and how much she is demolishing. He can, however, bring it to my attention that "she gave [me] warning after warning." He can do this at 7:15 AM! He can remind me that this is not the first time she has chewed my shit up and that this is all my fault because hey! she's done this before...haven't I learned anything from my mistakes?!

I wonder if he would feel the same way had it been the whisker biscuit off his bow that she all but shredded?
Or his Brinkhaus hat? At this point I know for a fact that I could dismantle said whisker biscuit and leave it inside said hat on the couch right by my scrunchie, wake up the next morning and find his whisker biscuit and hat wrapped in a bow and my scrunchie in her morning dump.

I am bitter and I do not appreciate Chip coming to the defense of some other bitch.

What goes around comes around, he'll get his. See, now I'm taking Kiki's behavior out on him. Funny how that works!



Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Hop : Skip : Jump

WoW!

Summer is without a doubt approaching fast.

Work is bending me over.

Need. Relief.

And...
I'll get it tomorrow. In the form of CARRIE AND FLORIDA!

HOLY SHIT! I am so fucking excited, so is Carrie, I can hear it in her voice when I talk to her.

~

Hayden has drawn all over our couch with a pen, a purple (just switched to the updated editing version, look: colored text!) one. At least three times a week she will point to the scribbles and declare, "I did that!"

She will repeat this until I say, "Yes, you did that."

Sandy said the two of them were looking through a library book, a pop-up one. One of the pop-ups was torn from the book. Hayden noticed and said, "Kiki did that!"

Impossible, for Kiki is a dog.

So the blame game begins.

~

The cap to our toothpaste went missing (see: Hayden). I looked for it for days, apparently not hard enough though, it was right under my ass:



~

The constant mowing has started again, as it does every year. I keep hoping that the yard will just mow itself but lo: NO!
I can't complain too much though, there is solitude in a good mow job, right? Right.



~

Two more things and then I am out for a few days, more like five!

Chip finished (all but the wood running horizontally) Hayden's pen our fence on Sunday.
JOY! 
You can't see it but there is field fence running along the posts, and a gate! A real gate! It closes and everything, much to Hayden's disappointment.



I'll end with one more beautiful thing, my baby's dirty toes:



~

P.S. NO WORK FOR 5 DAYS! Did I say that already?

Friday, April 16, 2010

Friday, April 9, 2010

Five For The Man, Now Two For you

I went to Food Lion last weekend and scored big time! While walking the cereal aisle a voice came over the intercom and announced that all of the potted plants in the floral department were .99 cents.
.99 CENTS!! I casually hauled ass across the store and found several women with their buggies already full of plants, flowers, gift baskets. I jumped right in, spending a whole $10 bucks!

Check it:

After I got home and sorted through everything I added up what I would have spent had I not just stumbled on the deal of the damn day! $57.00!

~

I don't want to jinx what is happening but I have to report...
The pacifier is looking like it may be on its way out. Chip and I have noticed that Hayden doesn't seem to miss it when she doesn't have it. She doesn't ask for it or look for it until she is ready for bed. I thought we would play hell breaking her pacifier habit/dependency. It looks like we may not after all. How awesome is that? Very awesome! Very, very awesome! I honestly didn't feel like inventing a paci fairy but I would have, and still will, if it becomes necessary. I told myself I wouldn't push the "no pacifier" issue right now and I'm not going to, all in good time, right?

~

I started a blog for our kennel yesterday: Brinkhaus Rottweilers

So, there's that!

~

I'm running short on time.

Credit to Kidd Kraddick for the title post/quote.

I permed my hair about a month ago (like 1980's permed) and have yet to post a photo, not for lack of trying I might add. One day I'll take a decent photo and add it here. I asure you, you aren't missing much.

~

Oh, also...
Is it terribly rude/mean/cold-hearted to make fun of someone's spelling, repeatedly (as in that person repeatedly spelling words incorrectly and me making fun of them every single time)? Is it even ruder/meaner/more cold-hearted to assume they are a dumb ass because they can't spell a licke, I mean lick?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Friday, April 2, 2010

Bits

IT SUCKS TO BE ME...(not too bad though, it's only a "courtesy warning")

So I speed, whoopitydo!



GET OVER IT

I am usually up until around 10:00 at night. Last night Hayden wouldn't go to sleep so I took her upstairs around 9:00 and laid down with her, fulling intending to get back up for a bit. I fell asleep. Shocker!

I go downstairs to the bathroom this morning, flip on the switch, with my eyes still adjusting to the light I sit down on the toilet to pee and am rudely awakened by what I believe to be piss running down my leg. I jump up, try to clinch the flow, can't (damn kegals!), piss on the floor a little bit, look down and realize some asshole has covered the toilet with clear cling wrap. I jerked it off (carefully) and sat my ass back down to finish what I started.

I am plotting a revenge like non other...GET OVER IT! CHIP!



Hate to say it BUT I want these little fuckers gone:



DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAZY?