Thursday, March 4, 2010

Daffy Driving Dribble


I was backing out of my driveway this morning and something yellow caught my eye. Hallelujah! The daffodils are back in bloom. Spring is just around the corner and I can see it!

Yesterday after work I'm driving home, minding my own, running about 65, give or take, probably give. An SUV pulls up to the stop sign on the opposite side of the road, surely he is going to wait for me to pass before pulling out, right? Not a chance in hell! He pulls his piece into my lane which causes me to have to tap my brakes. I'm pissed, couldn't he have just had a little patience? Behold, he slaps on his blinker. I proceed to whip it around him and lay on my horn at the same time (I'm fearless like that). He lays on his horn and throws his hands up, because you know, I pulled out in front of him and then threw my turn signal on. I give the dude my meanest look only realize there's a bitch driving the SUV. My bad, I should have known!

Let it be known that if you pull out in front of someone, make them slow down and then turn you deserve to have your head crammed even further up your ass.

And no, I am not bitter!

Two days ago I was driving home after work and had no choice but to cruise right underneath a flock of what I believe was a few thousand birds. I commented (to myself) how amazing it was that I just drove my car through what could have been a shit-fest without a drizzle of poop on my windshield.

I went out yesterday to get in my car and realized that I was wrong. Very, very wrong. It's bad! The bird shit! How I didn't see it when it landed is beyond me. I repeat, it's bad! And brown. All over.

SHIT!!

The end.

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