Friday, February 26, 2010

Once Biten

Last Wednesday I went to pick Hayden up from school. Upon entering the director's office I was informed that there had been an incident. A biting incident. Isaiah, yes, her cousin, Isaiah, bit her on the top of her left arm.

Evidence: Exhibit A




Evidence: Exhibit B


One week later!



Little SHIT!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Briefing: Terrible Transcendental Twos

February 18, 2009



February 18, 2010



Little Miss Hayden,

You are 2 years old today!

You are a walking, talking, singing, burping, farting mess of a little girl.

Your second year passed me by even quicker than your first year. How is that possible? Will each year feel like it is shorter than the one before it?

You are deeply in love with the Wiggles. They fuel your dancing fire, and when you dance, Hayden, you are on fire!

You have the sweetest most innocent voice.

You flatter me by imitating me.

You say “love you” at bedtime, and well, those words leave me speechless.

You laugh hysterically until you get hiccups and/or puke up the chocolate you just ate while visiting nanny and papaw.

You play hard.


The smell of your hair follows you around. I follow you around too.

On your hands are painted nails, dirt lives in the creases of your palm.


You have perfected what appears to be a gallop crossed with a jump. It is by far your favorite dance move.

Your chipped tooth, I love it.


You have been blessed with fabulous hair. It curls, frizzes, stands on end, never lays flat and slaps me around when I get lippy.


You climb on the couch beside me each night and wiggle your toes around until they find a spot I’ve made warm especially for you.

You are hell-bent on trashing the one nap you allow yourself daily. I am hell-bent on you doing no such thing.

You have two fish, PB and Jay. You love them.

You sneak into the bathroom hoping you’ll find my make up before I find you.

You are so much fun.


You make my life more interesting and full than it has ever been.

You occasionally throw yourself on the floor as a form of self expression.

You scale the confines of your crib in an attempt to show us you can accomplish your goals.

You play the harmonica. The dogs howl. I laugh.


You know a few of the dogs names but refer to all of them as Kiki, she is your favorite.


video

You pick boogers. You eat them too.

You think it's funny to try and lick your daddy and I when we kiss you good night.

You sleep through the night in the same crib you flee from.

You sleep with daddy and I and creep closer and closer to me until my head is
fighting for just a sliver of the bed.

You high five.

You started school on Monday. You love it!


You know a big bite when you see one. "Big bite, big bite," you repeat as if we aren't listening. Hayden, we hear everything.

"Ready, ready, ready?" You chant this in preparation for jumping off the couch. You repeat this about fifty times a night. Joy!

You are a healthy toddler-tummied 26lbs.

You and Ingrid are going to be tall, you're at 35" right now. Isaiah wasn't tapped with the tall stick, but that's perfectly perfect, he's Isaiah.


You have picked up a sinister laugh. It is brilliant.

You yell "papaw, papaw" as we approach the one red light in his itty-bitty town.

You are mama’s baby.

You are daddy’s girl.

Some days, when I look at you, I see me.

You bring me toilet paper when I am in a "damn, I guess I will have to drip dry" situation.

You are growing up right in front of my eyes, so, so fast. I beg you, please stop!

You go from whiny teenager to innocent child in the blink of an eye.

Your pink and brown blanket is your bff.


You are my sunshine.

I love you with all my heart, and then some.

Love,
Mama

P.S. Yesterday I was changing your diaper and I noticed what appeared to be a left over wipe in the crack of your ass (daddy!). I used my pointer finger and thumb to extract it. I pulled out a warm, fresh-squeezed turd from your ass instead. There were witnesses!

P.S.S. Please potty train soon...and easily.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Bread Plan (Not Bed Pan)

After seven loaves (six made by Chip, one by yours truly) and one chipped tooth...

Behold:

The Perfect Traditional White Bread



I made this loaf, obviously. Of course, I do have a little secret.

It rhymes with fred taker.

Chip's brother has been making bread as well. To hear him tell it his bread is a success. I doubt him though. My doubt has absolutely nothing to do with the seven loaves and one chipped tooth I mentioned earlier. Sure, others can have success where we fail, I realize this. But dude, we are talking about bread making - something it takes years to perfect. It is an art.

The brother in law is visiting this weekend and I have concocted a plan. I am going to use old fred taker once again and prepare two loaves before he arrives. I do so want him to taste my 'homemade' bread. I want him to compare it to his. I may or may not reveal to him my little secret. It depends on his comparison and how nice he is.

Who am I kidding?

I'm not saying a word.

Birthday Attire

I finished Hayden's shirt for her birthday party weeks ago. Ingrid's too, although I don't have a single photo of it. I'll get one of her wearing it, even better!

Here's last year's onesie.

I used felt to make a cupcake, two candles, her name and the number two. I stitched the cupcake to the front and her name and age to the back. I added some glitter and whatnots and viola!




I hope she likes these birthday shirts as much as I do. I plan to make them for her until she refuses to wear them.

Nine more hours, well, technically just under twenty four hours (she was born at 3:07 pm), and Hayden will be two years old! TWO!!

I just shit myself.

Remnants of February 12th





Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy ~ Love ~ Day.


Crayons.
Snow.



All we need now is a little sunshine, scratch that, A LOT of sunSHINE!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Mama Loves Hayden




One week from today I will have myself a two year old!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Hayden, Puppies, A Job, Oh, and a Party!

So, I'm nervous.

Probably unnecessarily so. I'm mama and that's what I do, I get nervous. Especially when it comes to Hayden.

It is quite possible that Hayden will start attending school/day care next week! Oh, man. Come Friday I will visit the center and see how I like it, more importantly, how I think Hayden would like it.

She will go three days a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. She will still continue to go to Sandy's on Tuesday and Thursday. This leaves Chip free to...

WORK! MAKE MONEY! PROVIDE!

Awesome!!! We so could use a reliable extra income.

We have a litter of puppies due any day now. Shit, now that I think about it, we have a lot going on, which is how things ALWAYS go for us. Nothing in between, everything at once.

1. Hayden's child care
2. Litter of pups
3. Starting a new job

All huge adjustments, all happening at the same damn time. Hayden's child care and Chip starting a new job go hand in hand. The litter of puppies adds a little "oh, shit" to the mix.

My wish is for Ageda's litter to be healthy and there to be no bottle feeding in my future. My bottle feeding days are well, still very fresh in my mind. Not from Hayden mind you, from nursing two other litters. Have I stated here before how much I loathe bottle feeding puppies, the shit involved, literally and figuratively, the shit involved?!

Let me not piss myself off.

I'll sum it up by saying that stimulating a bottle fed puppy and cleaning it's excretions do not make it to the top of my Want To Do list, actually they fall just above take it up the ass located on the bottom of my I'll Die Before I...list (this list of course starts at ten and works its way down, with one being the worst).

I have a feeling the next month, month and a half, is going to be full, full of fun and "are you fucking kidding me" moments.

Oh! I forgot! Add Hayden's birthday party to the pot. No, go on, do it. Just do it. Now, I seriously smell some funk brewing.

Lord, please help me. Give me patience. If not patience, at least let me speak after I have thought about what I want to say so as not to blurt out a heap of stuff I can't filter once it's out there.

* Points to ponder 2 weeks from now:
Hayden's schooling
Puppies
Chip's job
Hayden's birthday/party

* A reminder to myself, my short term occasionally takes a shit too. Speaking of, the van is at a shop (two weeks later)! No news yet.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Wonderful Views

I love this sort of thing.

I stumbled across this part of Weather Underground's website about two weeks ago. I think it's a cool new addition. They are a little late updating each week but well worth the wait.

#10 from January 25th. WTF!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Greener, On my Side

In my attempts to be a better American citizen (HA!) and make the world a better place I intend to put my family on a greener path in 2010. I said it was going to happen last year but I mean it this time around. I have absolutely no reason not to at least try and every reason to make it work.

My plan is to start small. I'm starting with the things that I know my family can change without being too drastic and unrealistic and costly.

Chip has started making bread. He doesn't have his system right on yet but he's getting so close. We also eat frozen vegetables and fruit that is in season. I do not buy anything canned unless I absolutely must.

I've cut down the amount of cans, cardboard, preservatives and plastic that enter our home. The beer cardboard that does make its way in is now being separated from actual trash and recycled.

Same goes for scraps, food, coffee grounds, etc. Come spring we will start a compost. I have wanted to do this for years and was simply too lazy (there I said it!). Not any more. I intend to get an enclosed bin, park it by the back door and USE it! A successful compost will also save me money come time for planting (an unsuccessful compost will likely save me making any neighborhood friends) . If all goes well there will be no store-bought soil in my future. Score!

Last, and this one is perhaps the most important (and expensive, of course), is acquiring a source for meat and eggs. I think I have the hamburger meat covered. If it weren't for our dogs we could raise the chickens on our property. But...dogs, no way around that fact. Hopefully, as the year progresses a supplier for pork, chicken and eggs will turn up. Curbing our addiction to bacon might play out alright, not so much when it comes to chicken and eggs.

I'm not looking for perfection and I realize these things won't happen overnight but I am anxious to do this. I can't control a lot of what happens outside of my home but I can control what happens inside. I can teach my daughter to take care of herself and her environment, and that is important to me.