Thursday, December 30, 2010

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas Card(s) 2010

I spent several hours of several days swapping photos and cards, trying in earnest to find a match.
I looked everywhere.

Given ten minutes on the Monday before Christmas this is what I came up with.

this photo
the photo below
two Christmas cards that make me smile!

I do my best work under pressure.


I've been making memos via my phone, listing things I want to write about when I find time, IF I find time. It isn't looking like that is going to happen so here is a brief rundown.

Memo #1 (word for word):
Acoustic crossroads   5 day project   a family pic a week   neighbor fire story   wouldn't hel   stepped in shit   hickory nut fire

Memo #2 (also word for word, as all of these will be):
Cd list   dentist

Memo #3:

Memo #4:
Why do I have this blog   Dump all once in a while   Willie Nelson Sleep In Your Arms

Memo #5:
Sch for a toddler

Memo #6:

Memo #7:
Cleats. Beanie. Phone. Red Bull. Cigs.

Now, let me see if I have a clue what any of this means:

Memo #1 (word for word):
Acoustic crossroads (this is my favorite channel to hear some really unique and interesting sounds)
365 day project (take one photo a day in 2011, post to blog)
a family pic a week (take one family photo under the same tree every Saturday in 2011, post to blog)
neighbor fire story (at a complete loss)
wouldn't hel (at a complete loss)
stepped in shit (self-explanatory)
hickory nut fire (again, at a complete loss)

Memo #2 (also word for word, as all of these will be):
Cd list (post a list of the cds I have in my car)
dentist (I actually remember this and now that I think about it it isn't worth talking about)

Memo #3:
Resolutions (I'll get around to these, I am actually going to make a few this year)

Memo #4:
Why do I have this blog (looks like I answered it in the memo: dump all once in a while)
Willie Nelson Sleep In Your Arms (love this song and remembered why, harmonica)

Memo #5:
Sch for a toddler (schedule for toddler, structure Hayden's day more)

Memo #6:
Baptism (Driving to the store up the road I passed a group of cars parked on the bridge. It was cold outside. People were heading down to the water wearing their Sunday best. I live in a place where people are still baptised in the creek closest to their church.)

Memo #7:
Cleats. Beanie. Phone. Red Bull. Cigs. (Christmas ideas for Chip, 2 out of 5...not for lack of trying.)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

On Being Thankful


For the roof over my head, the food on my plate and the clothes on my back.

These luxuries are really all I need.

These luxuries and the love of my family.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Puttin' It Out There

When I moved here five years ago I landed a great position doing something I wasn't qualified to do. How? It's all about connections and who you know, right? I knew the right people and the timing was spot on. I have worked my ass off for five years and I must say I am paid accordingly for it. Now, my hourly pay isn't spectacular but for the area I live in I make pretty decent money, more than most people I know. Hell, I make more than aunt does and she has worked for the school district for almost twenty years.

When Chip moved here four years ago he landed a job with the county doing something he was qualified to do. He knew not a single person outside of my family. No connections. He worked his ass off for a few days and was let go. Not long after that he found another job, one he was also qualified for. Again, let go within a couple of weeks of starting. Both jobs paid...shit, to be quite honest. He attempted to start his own fencing company but the economy took a dive.

Then I got pregnant.

Chip has been the stay at home parent for the past two years, almost three. He is a damn fine daddy.

Yes, I am defending him. Why? Apparently, other people, people who don't even hold down jobs, and haven't for months or years, find fault with Chip. They blame him for not supporting his family. They talk shit about the way we function as a family, about what works for us.

Hayden is not in day care. We are in no rush to put her in day care. We will live the next three years exactly like we are living now and we will be fine with it. If Chip is still a stay at home dad when Hayden starts kindergarten, so be it. If it were me staying home and he had a well paying job people wouldn't think twice about our arrangement. Why is that?

Why is a man looked at like he is less of a man when he stays home with his child? Why do people make rude comments, mumble under their breath? Someone has to take care of the baby. It seems feasible that it would be the parent who cannot find and maintain decent employment.

What also pisses me off is that the people who direct their energy at making Chip feel this big are people who wouldn't make it a week at home with a baby/toddler. Most of them are men. Most women sympathize and would never cast such stones.

There are times that I laugh it off, the bullshit. I can see those times coming to an end. Sick and tired of it, I am. Done, I am.

Chip is a truly passionate daddy. Hayden is a lucky girl. We are lucky that we are in the position that my job allows us to be in. It's hard, damn it's hard, we aren't saving a dime. We are raising our little girl to the best of our ability and we are doing a damn fine job! All the haters can suck a sticky-with-sweat ball sack! And I mean that.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Hayden Henry

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

What She Said

Hayden has definitely crossed the threshold into the "terrifically terrible twos!"
To be expected, I know.

She truly is a pistol...and fuuuuuny! For the most part anyway.

She seeks out trouble and is happy to find it. Too bad she could win a Tony for her performance when we drop a heavy dose of discipline on her.

This age is heavy, hard, handsomely rewarding and I wouldn't have it any other way.

With that said, two quick stories (told to me by Chip):

One day last week Chip was changing Hayden's pull-up, she had peed. While doing so he remarked that something smelled like chicken noodle soup.

"I farted," she hooted!


A little while later Chip decided to square up with the little stinker. Of course, he did what any daddy would do who just choked on his daughter's fart. While walking from the living room to the kitchen he farted, knowing she would be coming that way in mere seconds. One...two...three...

"Puppy pooped," she proclaimed!


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Hall-O-Weeeeee! NO!

Funny how a day creeps up on you. Halloween was a couple of months away, then BAM!, the next day it's sitting on my porch, right beside a little girl that calls me mama. One that is waiting for me to put fins on her mermaid skirt.

The plan was to take Hayden to a costume party at my brother's house. Costume Party = Success
After the party we were going to take her to a trunk-or-treat/festival at the church just down the road. Trunk-or-Treat = Failure

The trunk-or-treat was not a trunk-or-treat. We realized this after parking the car and not seeing a single trunk nor treat. The festivities were inside, which at first seemed just fine (we'll take the candy however they want to give it to us). Upon entering the recreation hall we noticed that the church members had set up a not very haunted house. A black curtain hung in the doorway that lead to three ladies, not in costume mind you, sitting in chairs and handing out candy, GOOD candy! Well, Hayden took one look at the black curtain, heard the somewhat scary music and recognized that the lights were dim and started whimpering and saying, "I don't want to go in there, I don't want to go in there."

I carried her in (because I like to clean shitty diapers) and sat her down next to the candy. Tootsie rolls! Her favorite! Not that night, NO! Again, "I don't want to go in there."

I picked my little mermaid back up and carried her out. Our score = 1 Handful of Candy

So it goes.

There is always next year.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Hayden is back in her crib. We had no choice! She spent an hour of her nap time running wild in her room, Kiki in tow. I guess the final straw was the fourth shit she took on her floor. Allow me to clarify what I just said...Hayden took not one, not two, not three but four! shits on the floor! in her bedroom! in as many days!

Needless to say, we are not making any forward progress in regards to potty-training. We're regressing actually, backing our asses down a one-way-potty-training-path laden with foot-deep ruts and festering roadkill. But hey!, hey! I'm not bitter.

We'll wait and try the "big girl bed" again at a later date.

Trial and error.

As Scared As I've Ever Been

Holy shit! was I busy last week. Friday came straight from hell if you ask me, and not one person did. That didn't stop me from bitching and moaning to anyone who would lend an ear though. I sort of thought my busy season was behind me, I was sort of wrong.

I intended to post on Friday and tell tales of toilet training and a two year old with the personality of twins that are totally opposite. I hardly got around to it as I was still fielding phone calls at ten after five, when I should have been cussing someone for not letting me merge onto I-75.

Shit : not! & total!

So, Friday was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! Yes, I know it could have been worse...and it was, on Thursday night.

I usually fall asleep on the couch at night before going to bed. Thursday night was no different. I fell asleep around 9:20, I know because I looked at the clock right before I closed my eyes. Chip was heating oil in a pot on the stove, he was going to fry cheese sticks for both of us. While the oil was heating up he went to the dog kennel.

I woke myself up coughing, right about the time Chip came running through the house hollering, "Oh no, oh no!" The kitchen was on fire. Flaming fire! FUCK! FUUUUUUCK! The stove, wall, and two cabinets were in flames.There was thick black smoke hanging throughout the house. Apparently, the oil became too hot and caught on fire.

We, mostly Chip, put the fire out and then we stood staring at the damage, shook to the core. It was worse than my Friday, by far. I looked at the clock, it was 9:40.

It is baffling what can occur within a twenty minute span of time.

I know we are lucky.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Back to the Farm

Who: E + Kevin + Ingrid + Me + Chip + Hayden
When: October 10th
Where: Pumpkin Patch Farm

Go Gertie!

Dude, check out this fun-ky outfit Hayden dressed herself in a few weeks ago. I helped her put on the leggings and bathing suit top but she told me to! How I forgot to post it is beyond me. 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Nie Nie

God! This is gorgeous, lovely...seriously heartbreakingly beautiful.

Friday, October 8, 2010

1st ~ 5th

Several Various Items Containing No Substance Whatsoever

1st : cheese
Trouble in the form of toddlers!

 2nd : daddy-daughter time 
Makin' mama nervous!

3rd : mother nature (via shitty-ass pics)
October 6, 2010

October 8, 2010 - October 10, 2010

4th : oldies, but goodies
Holy hair!

Hard to beat a Mercedes and a paci!

5th : hank  
LOVE this photo of Hank.

This Moment : Week Fifteen

This : That

The weather has been, shall I say, fickle..ranging from 40-75. One definitely needs long sleeves and a sweater, jeans, socks, shoes. All things Hayden has adamantly refused to wear. Flip-flops! Flip-flops! No kid! No, flops. Sorry.

She took her socks and pants off last night before she went to bed. I pick my battles with her and arguing with her to put them back on was not something I was interested in. So this morning she makes her way upstairs to where I am and stands in front of me. Shivering. "I cold," she said. Well, duh!

My plan for this weekend is to spend $100 on appropriate cold-weather clothing for her. She has nothing to get her through fall much less winter. All of her pants are either too short in length or too big in the waist. Her shirts are too short in length and in the arms. Hell, she's grown a damn foot since last fall.

(I'm trying to recall what symbol I used to transition to another topic, mind stump!)

Anyway, I used my night guard for the first time last night. Honestly, I could tell a difference when I woke up this morning. My jaw was slightly painful but compared to what it has been, it felt pretty damn alright. I told Chip that it really makes me wish I had taken care of it sooner. All those years...pretty fucked up actually.


There we go...maybe a simple plus sign is an adequate transition symbol. Seems fitting. I am indeed adding to what has already spewed from my hole.


That about covers it, not a whole lot going on around here. Back tomorrow. Maybe.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Well That Explains It!!

I've had a mild to sometimes severe pain in my jaw for years. Years.

I'll just come right out and admit that I am not one to frequent the dentist.

I had a tooth (#1) in my head that was broken for years. Years. I grew balls and had it pulled last November. When the dentist pulled that tooth he filled the one next to it (#2). He stated that the filling was quite deep and it may or may not end up having to have a root canal.

Again, this was last November, and I have not been pain free since. Needless to say, the tooth the dentist filled in hopes of avoiding a root canal was going to have to be fixed. I made the appointment for this morning. After x-rays and a brief exam the dentist told me that the tooth was not inflamed or infected, it looked great actually. What had been causing me pain for so long was not the tooth I had pulled or the tooth I had was TMJ.

My nanny, aunt and uncle all have TMJ.

Honestly, this explains a lot.

I don't know if it is good news or bad news, really. I went in expecting to have to pay out of pocket for one root canal, possibly two (# 12 is fucked too)! Instead, I came out the owner of an occlusal guard and a tooth filled with composite resin. All for $607!

I also now have a doctor's excuse for when Chip wants a....


Funny how things seem to work out in my favor, for the most part.

PS ~ We took Hayden to the dentist as well. Her chipped tooth apparently isn't an issue until it turns brown, falls out and/or is an obvious nuisance to her. So, ONWARD!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Monday, September 27, 2010

Three People, Two Days, One Goal

Saturday came and went, we did not move Hayden to her "big girl bed" upstairs. We did manage to take our bed apart in preparation for moving it downstairs.

Sunday brought much-needed rain and a very nonchalant attitiude on my part. However, we did make progress, even if only slightly.

Let's see...first we dismantled the crib, taking off the front panel only, thus creating a "big girl bed." Hayden took right to it. By that I mean she took to climbing on it and jumping maniacally to the floor. Repeatedly.

The thrill wore off as quick as a fart escapes Chip's ass the minute he stands up each morning when we told her she was going to take a nap in her new bed.

(We knew the change wouldn't be easy, but that's all we knew. This is our first rodeo too.)

Twenty minutes later Hayden was still scurrying around her room, sitting on top of Kiki, standing at her door looking downright pitiful. She was saved from the first attempt at a nap by her nanny and papaw Mac stopping by.

After they left we decided to try it again, we have balls, they're huge. This time we brought a twin mattress into her room and put it on the floor. Hayden was super excited about this. She jumped and jumped and was over the moon when she realized she could sleep side by side with bitch-face Kiki. At this point I thought we might have a winner in the mattress idea. I was wrong. An hour and a half later (NO SHIT!) she was still sauntering around her room with no intention of laying down and going to sleep. With no clue what else to do we put the front panel back on her crib and put her in it. That didn't go over well, of course. Hayden went wild but eventually fell asleep, for three hours.

After visiting with my brother and his family, taking a much needed drive, grabbing a pizza and hanging out on the couch, it was time for round, what, three. At around nine o'clock we told Hayden that it was time to go to sleep. We told her good night and put her in her bedroom with Kiki, on her big girl bed. She spent about thirty minutes wandering and wallowing before she fell asleep.

This morning I came downstairs and poked my head around the corner of her door. There she was, curled up in her bed next to Kiki.

The good news, she slept in her "big girl bed" all night.
The bad news, she was awake when I peeked in at her  this morning and she saw me, it was 6:15. Sorry, daddy.
The other news, our bed...yeah, still in shambles.

...the things we do for our babies.

Friday, September 24, 2010

From One Day to the Next

It's hot, sunny, a feel-good ninety degrees. The windows are down, a breeze is blowing. My hair is pulled back, sunglasses on. Creedence is caressing my ears. I'm cruising down a curvy back road along with the smell of woodsmoke.

It's wet, foggy, a sticky seventy-five degrees. The windows are at the half way mark, everything is still. My hair is down, no sunglasses on. Bad Company is blasting in my ears. I'm cruising down a curvy back road along with my thoughts of yesterday.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I've Waited Patiently & I Deserve Her

This bad bitch is mine!

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Last Weekend of Summer

Weekend Rewind

Hayden said shit! twice, once in public. Thankfully, she was with nanny, so it reflected poorly on her, not me!

Chip and I drove 51 miles in the wrong direction. Who knew you were supposed to go south when leaving Kentucky in route to Georgia? Apparently not Chip. Totally my fault though as I was reading a magazine when we cruised by several signs with the letter N on them. For future reference, Chip, N means in up. Heed the advice I gave you: when in doubt, always head south.

Dollar General rewarded me handsomely by slashing prices on its summer shenanigans. $2.50 for a slip-n-slide. Why I have wanted one of these is...well, beyond me. After some major confidence-boosting by Chip and complete disregard to the warnings on the box I slipped, and slid and fucked up the skin on my elbow.

Slip-n-slide FAIL!

Slip-n-slide SUCCESS!

We wrapped up the summer with one hell of a busy but relaxing weekend, is that possible? We are ready for fall and the fun that comes with being cooped up and cold...did I just say that? SHIT! That is so not true.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Monday, September 13, 2010

Hayden von Brinkhaus

Hayden thinks she is a puppy or a dog, or perhaps a puppy dog...

She nibbles on kibble. This has gone on for quite some time. As with almost anything that takes place frequently I have become desensitized to it. Ah, you want to eat dog food...have at it!

The sniffing started a couple of weeks ago. I noticed she was sniffing me one morning when I got her out of her crib, paid it no mind because hey, I'm not raising a dog. Sandy and mom said she was sniffing them too. And papaw...and daddy. If Khan could talk he would no doubt tell me it took all he had not to hike up on her because she had her nose up his ass.

She also laps water, meaning she takes it in with her tongue...while on all fours.

But, this past weekend, well, she did one better. Better than eating dog food, better than sniffing dog ass, better than swishing dog saliva around in her mouth....

She followed Khan around outside until he realized he couldn't lose her and said fuck it! I'm going to shit right here!

So, what did Hayden do...she hauled ass, tried to lose me, realized she couldn't and said fuck it! I'm going to shit right here!

Look, proof!

Fresh and not-so-clean!

Edited to add the most repulsive behavior to date, in my opinion anyway:

The other night Hayden and I were sitting on the couch and I went into the kitchen to get something only to come back around the corner and see Hayden sitting on the couch licking her big toe. Yes, licking her big toe! Lo and behold, there sat Khan, not two feet away, licking his paw. Shit : not! Considering she just followed him around barefoot a couple of hours before this tops the entire act of shitting outside! Right!?

Friday, September 10, 2010

This Moment : Week Twelve

Briefing: 2 years, 6 months and 23 days

It's been six and a half months since I've written any words to you here in this space. My last posted letter to you fell on your second birthday, February 18th, no coincidence.

Simply, I want to tell you a bit about yourself at the ripe age of two and a half and then some. You are exactly 2 years, 6 months and 23 days old if you include today. Neat, huh?

So, there are things that you love and things that I love about you.

You love your flip-flops! Hayden, my dear, you have a flip-flop fetish. Seriously! That's the only way I know to describe it. Your favorite pair (thanks to nanny you have many) don't actually belong together. One red, one purple, in varying sizes, is how you prefer to flop around in your "lip-lops." When I refuse to put on a pair of flip-flops that you are all but forcing on my feet, you get pissed! And whine! For the love of God, free the flop man!

You love your big girl panties! No argument from me here. You like to wear them, I like for you to wear them too!

You love chocolate milk!

You love your tricycle! Where do I begin? For so long I wanted you to get on your tricycle and ride. Now, hell, I wish I could get on the damn thing, ride it down the road and hurl it into the woods. Never, ever, ever, ever to be seen again. The problem lies in the fact that the trike won't go uphill in grass! Imagine that! One day you'll figure it out, by then I will have lost my sanity and my hearing. My patience for you with your beloved tricycle took a hike this past Tuesday. Good times!

You love your flashlight! I bought you a Tyke Light at the beginning of the year. You did not like it or want it in your crib at first, but have since come around and in a big way. Now, the flashlight is one of your must-have items when you go to bed. You love it, I only like it, probably because it ratted me out when I tried to do a pacifier switcharoo on you back in June.

Speaking love your pacifier! Better known as "assy." Uh, yeah. I have nothing more to say about assy, except it sucks ass(y)! I blame myself. I caved. You can thank me later.

You love your blanket! The fine piece of fabric you have attched to your hip started out quite large. It took only a couple of oh! shit! I! forgot! the! blanket! at! Sandy's! catastrophes before I whacked it into two pieces. One stays at home, the other at Sandy's. I am still not sure if you realize I did to this to your #1 but there it is. Besides, I figure another year or so tops and your blanket will shrivel up and disintegrate. It was, how shall I put this, a bargian buy, by nanny of course. Truthfully, I'm more than surprised it is still around and in one piece, well, two, sorry.

The love that you have for these things doesn't come close to the love that I have for you, Hayden. I love that you exist. That you resemble your daddy and I, but that you look like you. I love your curls, your choice of words. I swoon over your unique smile. You are smart, opinionated, curious...I love those qualities. I love the way you hold my finger instead of my hand. I love the little things: your bruised toe, chipped tooth, painted fingernails, dirty knees. You are you and you are mine. And I, baby doll, am yours. For always.