Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Dippin' Out

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

How Many More This, That, Other Posts Can There Be

There we sit, me and him, with her standing in between us scratching our backs, simultaneously. About ten seconds in it clicks. This, this right here is why we had a kid. I knew that one day we would somehow benefit physically from having her around. This is it! This is the beginning. It’s working! We now have a back scratcher! Soon! Soon we will have a dish washer, trash-taker-outer, sweeper, toilet cleaner, my God! The implications of this simple act are enormous!


I noticed that a tiny piece of Hayden’s tooth was missing, oh about three weeks ago. My mom mentioned it too. I got to thinking about it and wanted to see if I could figure out when the piece went missing. So, I looked back through my November pictures. Behold, the tooth in its entirety the week before Thanksgiving.

Last night, while she was trying to shovel jell-o into her mouth using her fingers (HA!) I snapped a great photo of her tooth as it exists now.

WTF! See it? Her right front tooth? It's fairly noticeable.

How does a toddler break off a piece of tooth like that? Eating a rock? Did she fall? Did I not see the fall? Chip? Where was he? A dumdum couldn’t take out a tooth. Could it? A candy cane maybe?

Regardless of what or how she chipped her tooth, it’s chipped. Adds character. Right?


Here is what I looked like when I walked into my brother's house only to hear this from my nephew:

"Daaaang, who are you?"

I'm thinking it was just the boots that took him by surprise, hoping it was just the boots...

Monday, December 21, 2009

Karma and Shit

What goes around comes around, right?

Karma can be a bitch, but my karma, my karma is a kick-ass thing.

So, sure there are ways I could be a better person, many, many ways. I won't count them now, or ever, for fear I may never find a spot to stop.

I received two gifts over the weekend. Both unexpected. When things like this happen to me I can't help but wonder why. My final answer...karma. I do put good things out there, I do unto others.

I am thankful that there are people who recognize a friend when they see one. I am thankful that I know these people and that they recognize me as such.


Cracker Barrel gives me the shits! Without fail, within an hour, I am on the toilet.

Our Christmas party for work was last Saturday.

Gift card for Cracker Barrel (you know where this is going) goes to...


I about shit myself.

Better luck next time.


To the two people who do read this, check out She is having some awesome giveaways over there. Also, if you like to cook check out her other site,, giveaways there too. Granted, thousands of people enter but hey, if your karma is like mine you might just end up shitting yourself because you won a $500 gift card to Amazon!

Merry Christmas!

Saturday, December 19, 2009


When nothing better approaches on a Friday night, look through oldies. By oldies I mean home videos shot on a shitty camera in light almost too dark, but isn't. For this I am thankful (the light). I am also thankful for clueless individuals who wouldn't know a great thing even if it was in freak mode right in front of their face behind their back.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Last Resort

So, I have both of these in either color. Now I just have to pick the one I want to send via email to an ass-load of people. Decisions, decisions. I fucking HATE making decisions.

Monday, December 14, 2009

This, That, Other

Let it be known that on the 12th day of December dweeb retired his summer uniform in exchange for his winter regalia. It consists of a clusterfuck of flannel, fleece, denim and a lot of it. Dookie brown is in the house yo. In the form of overalls...and denim.

Let it also be known that I do not think this is awesome. In any way. Shape. Or form. Oh, no.

I have come up with a great solution in place of gift wrap. Fabric! I will save the gifts I wrap in fabric for our family gift exchange, in other words I won't be putting the packages through the brutal ordeal that is shipping. I will also include a simple, sweet note requesting the fabric be returned to me as soon as it is convenient, preferably after the gift has been unwrapped and before we leave the family party. I'm out nothing!

Sandy is suspect, scratch that, she has been proven guilty. Hayden came home from nanny and papaw's house with pink toes! How she got the little stinker to stay still is beyond me. Pink toes on Hayden...cute, but something I can't get used to. Apparently she can't either as she is repeatedly pointing at them while saying ah oh!

I made the pumpkin pie recipe that comes attached to the canned Libby's pumpkin goodness. Lawdy!! Let me just say that I ate about 2/3 of it myself, no joke! Damn! Dude! It is good shit! Very, very good shit! And easy!

I have come to the conclusion that next Christmas any gifts that I do not make I am going to order online and ship direct to the recipient. A gift that starts out at $9 ends up being $18 when it's all said and shipped. Not cool!

Also, I received my gift from Carrie. She really outdid herself this year. I'll leave it at that. She doesn't read this but just in case she does...

I finally realized that I failed (AGAIN) at my attempt to send out Christmas cards with our family picture on them. I kept thinking it might happen but then on Friday accepted the fact that it probably wasn't going to happen. I'm ok with this. However, I swear (AGAIN) next year will be different.

Actually, that reminds me...I AM going to make an e-card. Call me clever. Handy. Cost-conscious. I have the tools and I am going to make it happen!

To be continued...

Monday, December 7, 2009


Hayden the hoot! Wild and funny. No, I'm not talking about her hair. Although, it too, is wild and funny (looking) at times.

Lately, and I have no idea why, she has been picking her nose and sticking her finger in her mouth. I have yet to see her pick an actual booger so I am left to assume she likes the taste of snot. She especially likes her right nostril.

Over the weekend I watched her walk away from me, stick her finger in her ear and then stick that same finger into her mouth. Am I to assume she likes the taste of ear wax as well? I tend to favor snot over ear wax myself.

Last week I caught her dancing, just a little bit, to the jingle from Two and a Half Men. Last night she breaks into song... men, men, men, meeeeen. God! No! My greatest hope, beyond health and happiness for her, was that she not give a shit about men for at least twenty years. Where did I go wrong?

Last, certainly not least...

Behold, the hoot winks (notice the tongue movement, I think she does this to compensate for not actually winking), smiles and shows her teeth.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Within the last 8 days:
~ my tooth was yanked out of my head
~ the spot on my back/ass/crack came back...and went away
~ my eyeball was poked, and hard, by a toddler, on accident
~ the brace holding up the shed fell due to an extreme amount of rain and high winds crumbling the foundation the brace was sitting on, in turn sending the brace to the ground, but not without breaking the water pipe and leaving me with no water (but, of course!)

...go fucking figure!

At least I don't have dry socket (sorry dad), an abscess on my ass (any longer) and my eye (the bad one) has returned to it's "normal" state.

I'm fed up with:
~ cell phones and cell phone companies
~ people who talk too much on their cell phones
~ money
~ not having money
~ people with money who don't appreciate what they have
~ people with money who bitch about money
~ getting bent over by people/places/things that should in no way be bending me over
~ figuring out gifts for Christmas
~ repetition

There. I am not in the best of moods. BUT...

Hayden isn't sick and I thought she was coming down with something so there's good to be found. I just wish it wasn't so hard to find sometimes.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009