Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Desperately Frustrated, Needing a Change


“Desperation. There's danger in frustration.” Miranda Lambert


I am both, frustrated and desperate. Desperate to get the hell away from here for a bit…due to the frustration and spinning sensation a feel deep down. I haven’t really gotten out of dodge since March and MAN! can I feel it. I want out, and now!

I feel like every other word out of my mouth probably is and has the right to be a word from the mouth of a sailor. I am seriously in need of something else, I don’t know what that something is and I can’t seem to summon the energy to put two and two together.

I can’t determine whether I like change or if I don’t. I guess it depends on what it pertains to and just how drastic it is. Sure, a positive change is good but even it has to be waited out before truly knowing. And the knowing, fuck the knowing, no, thank God, thank God for the knowing. But, yeah, fuck the knowing. I just don’t have a positive feeling. My stomach has been in a damn knot for six long days. Along with the knowing...the change, the fluid shit, the spew that has no consistency other than inconsistency.

So, there’s this point, and I’m circling around it, which is unusual. This point is where my frustration lies, where danger falls. I desperately want to make this point go the fuck away.

No take backs though, and I wouldn’t, not ever.

Bottom line, I need a change, desperately! And that fact alone is frustrating! Will there come a time when enough is enough, satisfaction reigns? Or will I always feel like there should be more, an easier, simpler way?

Simplicity takes work, believe it or not.

Life isn’t simple, or maybe it is, sure it is, on occasion, and away from where I sit this very second. It takes a hard day to recognize a simple one. I know that.

I need a simple change, or maybe I need a complicated change that I can adjust to rather simply, I just don’t know. It’s time to put two and two together, put forth the energy, and get the hell out of dodge!!

Amen!

1 comment:

connie said...

HEATHER I'M SORRY FOR WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU.. WISH PEOPLE WOULD ACT THEIR AGE...I'M SORRY I DID NOT TELL YOU AND CHIP HAPPY ANNV... YESTERDAY. WHAT DON'T YOU TAKE A LONG WEEKEND OFF.... DON'T LET PEOPLE GET TO YOU........LOVE YOU..SMILE....BABY SHOWER SATURDAY...