Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Dippin' Out

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

How Many More This, That, Other Posts Can There Be

There we sit, me and him, with her standing in between us scratching our backs, simultaneously. About ten seconds in it clicks. This, this right here is why we had a kid. I knew that one day we would somehow benefit physically from having her around. This is it! This is the beginning. It’s working! We now have a back scratcher! Soon! Soon we will have a dish washer, trash-taker-outer, sweeper, toilet cleaner, my God! The implications of this simple act are enormous!


I noticed that a tiny piece of Hayden’s tooth was missing, oh about three weeks ago. My mom mentioned it too. I got to thinking about it and wanted to see if I could figure out when the piece went missing. So, I looked back through my November pictures. Behold, the tooth in its entirety the week before Thanksgiving.

Last night, while she was trying to shovel jell-o into her mouth using her fingers (HA!) I snapped a great photo of her tooth as it exists now.

WTF! See it? Her right front tooth? It's fairly noticeable.

How does a toddler break off a piece of tooth like that? Eating a rock? Did she fall? Did I not see the fall? Chip? Where was he? A dumdum couldn’t take out a tooth. Could it? A candy cane maybe?

Regardless of what or how she chipped her tooth, it’s chipped. Adds character. Right?


Here is what I looked like when I walked into my brother's house only to hear this from my nephew:

"Daaaang, who are you?"

I'm thinking it was just the boots that took him by surprise, hoping it was just the boots...

Monday, December 21, 2009

Karma and Shit

What goes around comes around, right?

Karma can be a bitch, but my karma, my karma is a kick-ass thing.

So, sure there are ways I could be a better person, many, many ways. I won't count them now, or ever, for fear I may never find a spot to stop.

I received two gifts over the weekend. Both unexpected. When things like this happen to me I can't help but wonder why. My final answer...karma. I do put good things out there, I do unto others.

I am thankful that there are people who recognize a friend when they see one. I am thankful that I know these people and that they recognize me as such.


Cracker Barrel gives me the shits! Without fail, within an hour, I am on the toilet.

Our Christmas party for work was last Saturday.

Gift card for Cracker Barrel (you know where this is going) goes to...


I about shit myself.

Better luck next time.


To the two people who do read this, check out She is having some awesome giveaways over there. Also, if you like to cook check out her other site,, giveaways there too. Granted, thousands of people enter but hey, if your karma is like mine you might just end up shitting yourself because you won a $500 gift card to Amazon!

Merry Christmas!

Saturday, December 19, 2009


When nothing better approaches on a Friday night, look through oldies. By oldies I mean home videos shot on a shitty camera in light almost too dark, but isn't. For this I am thankful (the light). I am also thankful for clueless individuals who wouldn't know a great thing even if it was in freak mode right in front of their face behind their back.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Last Resort

So, I have both of these in either color. Now I just have to pick the one I want to send via email to an ass-load of people. Decisions, decisions. I fucking HATE making decisions.

Monday, December 14, 2009

This, That, Other

Let it be known that on the 12th day of December dweeb retired his summer uniform in exchange for his winter regalia. It consists of a clusterfuck of flannel, fleece, denim and a lot of it. Dookie brown is in the house yo. In the form of overalls...and denim.

Let it also be known that I do not think this is awesome. In any way. Shape. Or form. Oh, no.

I have come up with a great solution in place of gift wrap. Fabric! I will save the gifts I wrap in fabric for our family gift exchange, in other words I won't be putting the packages through the brutal ordeal that is shipping. I will also include a simple, sweet note requesting the fabric be returned to me as soon as it is convenient, preferably after the gift has been unwrapped and before we leave the family party. I'm out nothing!

Sandy is suspect, scratch that, she has been proven guilty. Hayden came home from nanny and papaw's house with pink toes! How she got the little stinker to stay still is beyond me. Pink toes on Hayden...cute, but something I can't get used to. Apparently she can't either as she is repeatedly pointing at them while saying ah oh!

I made the pumpkin pie recipe that comes attached to the canned Libby's pumpkin goodness. Lawdy!! Let me just say that I ate about 2/3 of it myself, no joke! Damn! Dude! It is good shit! Very, very good shit! And easy!

I have come to the conclusion that next Christmas any gifts that I do not make I am going to order online and ship direct to the recipient. A gift that starts out at $9 ends up being $18 when it's all said and shipped. Not cool!

Also, I received my gift from Carrie. She really outdid herself this year. I'll leave it at that. She doesn't read this but just in case she does...

I finally realized that I failed (AGAIN) at my attempt to send out Christmas cards with our family picture on them. I kept thinking it might happen but then on Friday accepted the fact that it probably wasn't going to happen. I'm ok with this. However, I swear (AGAIN) next year will be different.

Actually, that reminds me...I AM going to make an e-card. Call me clever. Handy. Cost-conscious. I have the tools and I am going to make it happen!

To be continued...

Monday, December 7, 2009


Hayden the hoot! Wild and funny. No, I'm not talking about her hair. Although, it too, is wild and funny (looking) at times.

Lately, and I have no idea why, she has been picking her nose and sticking her finger in her mouth. I have yet to see her pick an actual booger so I am left to assume she likes the taste of snot. She especially likes her right nostril.

Over the weekend I watched her walk away from me, stick her finger in her ear and then stick that same finger into her mouth. Am I to assume she likes the taste of ear wax as well? I tend to favor snot over ear wax myself.

Last week I caught her dancing, just a little bit, to the jingle from Two and a Half Men. Last night she breaks into song... men, men, men, meeeeen. God! No! My greatest hope, beyond health and happiness for her, was that she not give a shit about men for at least twenty years. Where did I go wrong?

Last, certainly not least...

Behold, the hoot winks (notice the tongue movement, I think she does this to compensate for not actually winking), smiles and shows her teeth.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Within the last 8 days:
~ my tooth was yanked out of my head
~ the spot on my back/ass/crack came back...and went away
~ my eyeball was poked, and hard, by a toddler, on accident
~ the brace holding up the shed fell due to an extreme amount of rain and high winds crumbling the foundation the brace was sitting on, in turn sending the brace to the ground, but not without breaking the water pipe and leaving me with no water (but, of course!)

...go fucking figure!

At least I don't have dry socket (sorry dad), an abscess on my ass (any longer) and my eye (the bad one) has returned to it's "normal" state.

I'm fed up with:
~ cell phones and cell phone companies
~ people who talk too much on their cell phones
~ money
~ not having money
~ people with money who don't appreciate what they have
~ people with money who bitch about money
~ getting bent over by people/places/things that should in no way be bending me over
~ figuring out gifts for Christmas
~ repetition

There. I am not in the best of moods. BUT...

Hayden isn't sick and I thought she was coming down with something so there's good to be found. I just wish it wasn't so hard to find sometimes.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Blaming the Bitch

Last night the three of us were sitting comfortably on the couch. Hayden was actually laying in the middle of him and I. He was sitting just on the edge of the couch. He let one rip. Hayden paid it no mind, I don't think she heard it. Before I could reem him a new one she popped her head up and said, "Poop!" She then jumped down from the couch and bent over to where she was almost touching the floor and pointed furiously at some random spot on the tile. (I wish I could say this was odd behavior, but no.) So, she heads over to the door, opens it half way, bends at the waist and yells (in her little voice) Kiki, Kiki.

Go figure!

Gah! I wish I had some things on video. We laughed damn hard at this and yet to retell it, well, it just doesn't do it justice.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Smile Wazowski

My best friend Carrie once stated that Hayden looked like one of the Monsters, Inc. characters. I'd bet my left eye (it's my bad one) that she was referring to Mike Wazowski (re: teeth).

Monday, November 16, 2009

Like Mama, Only Better

My sister has a name for me. One that she tends to use when I break out a kickin' ensemble to go along with my sunny attitude. Personally, I think stripes, polka-dots, boots and jackets, oh, and plaid pants with monkeys on them are sweet...and perfectly Gertie. It appears I have passed down this gift, check it!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Smart and Funny

Simple things like this blow my mind. They really do.

Last night while sitting at the table with Hayden I realized something that perhaps she has known for quite some time...or maybe not, her language is in the explosive category as of late.

She says:
belly button
birdie (it is what it is, what do you call it)
eyes (her favorite)
...and points to each of them.

She also:
moos like a cow
roars like a lion (this shit is so cute it is sickening)
meows like a cat
barks like a dog
neighs like a horse
quacks like a duck
...and can correctly identify the animal that makes each sound.

Last week, I taught her to smile on command. HOLY SHIT! It is the most hilarious thing I have seen in a long ass time, and it never gets old. That's saying something. Hopefully, the little turd will allow me to snap a picture of said command in action. Don't count on it and you won't be disappointed. You know, lower your expectations and you might be pleasantly surprised. Works for me, on occasion.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


A few nights ago I noticed that our couch had several green rubs on it. Hmmm...

Last night I noticed Hayden eating toting a Peanut M&M. Hmmm...

The little stinker licked all the candy coating off the outside of the M&M and carried it around with her for an hour before finally eating it. If only she exhibited that patience during supper, bath time, while getting strapped into the car seat, putting clothes on, you see where this is going.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


Up and out by 6:15. It was raining, and hard. We managed to drop Hayden off at Sandy's at the designated time of 7:15. This left us two hours and thirty minutes to get to Bryson City, NC in time for our 9:45 appointment.

We made the two and a half hour drive a three hour and fifteen minute drive. The extra forty five minutes was spent passing our destination, turning around, passing it again and turning around again, we're good like that. Nothing like showing up late somewhere and walking in to find four strangers standing there with their thumbs up their asses because hey! they can't go anywhere until the entire group shows up.

Regardless of the rain, the back and forth and the sneers we pretended not to notice, we zipped right along and had a fucking blast, in the rain, let us not forget the rain!

Three hours later we were back in the car heading home. This time around we made the drive in two and a half hours, as we should have. The rain let up about half way back, somewhere around Ellijay.

And no, this adventure is NOT the reason we didn't make it out and about trick or treating with Hayden. Although, now that I think about it, it may have had a little something to do with it. The rain on the other hand, buzz kill, for sure.

We went here: Nantahala Gorge Canopy Tours located in the Nantahala Forest in western North Carolina...very cool!!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Halloween 2009

Behold, our $4 pumpkin!

Our $4 pumpkin, carved and looking oh-so-festive!
(Had to do a friendly face, Hayden wasn't feeling the spooky)

Happy Halloween, late.

Our second Halloween with Hayden was very uneventful, to say the least. I tied her mama-made tutu on for all of ten minutes and she twirled around for her daddy. She would have had fun and we would have had candy if we had made it beyond our front porch. We did not and we got away with it. Next year we will probably not be so lucky. This year though I brought the tricks, he brought the treats, she brought the happy...and that was good'nough for us!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009


: is curious. about the excretory system and the toilet. her thing right now is to come up behind me while i am on the potty and nudge shove my back forward while peeking ramming her head into the little space between the edge of the toilet and my rear end. she does this while mumbling something i do not comprehend.

: is a trickster, whether she actually knows it, i am not sure. she flushes the toilet whether i am finished or not. then she flushes it again and goes so far as to flush it a third time before she realizes that the toilet is fresh out of flushes. this is an issue when i have not tied it off and she has exhausted the toilet and my turds excretions have not one place to go but there.

: is perceptive. when she wants to be. three nights ago i was scrolling down my main page of facebook. hayden's little voice was in the back of my head. i eventually picked up what she was saying, rit-ny, rit-ny. huh? i went back to scrolling and noticed that my cousin's picture was on the monitor, her name is brittany. rit-ny = brittany and my baby = smart.

: is nothing if not cute and heartbreakingly adorable. toddler tummy and all, jacked-up unruly hair included. after her bath and right before she goes to bed she crawls up on the couch and wallows me. i tickle her back and she drifts in and out. just precious.

Hayden is a curious trickster who is perceptive, cute and adorable. If I didn't already have her, I'd want her. Too bad though...

...and neither are her saggy-ass jeans!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Pumpkin Patch

Just arrived, already taking over Ingrid's stroller.

Too excited to stop. Must. Keep. Going.

With a little help from Papaw.

Up and out not in and down.

I've come to the conclusion she does this on purpose.

Mama will show her the way.

And...we're out!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Makin' Me Laugh

What makes me laugh out loud on a regular basis?

1. Kidd Kraddick

2. Modern Family

3. Turfstore

4. Hayden

5. Baby on Bored

These came to me, in that order, with no digging around whatsoever. Tried. True. Reliable humor. It don't get no better'n'at!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

The first photo was taken February 15, 2008. I asked a friend at work to snap a picture of my swollen face the Friday before I went on maternity leave. Hayden was born three days later.

The last photo was taken September 15, 2009. I snapped a picture of myself on what I thought was a good hair day.

Nineteen months took place in the span of those photos. I became a mama and the proof is in my hair.

I don't recall the reason why I cut it in the first place, why I then cut it shorter and what made me decide to let it grow back out. I do recall the ups and downs, the highs, the lows, and I'm sure the reason lies in there somewhere.

None of that really matters, Hayden loved me then and she loves me now.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Life and Death

One year ago today Cliff died.

Two months and eleven days ago Dustin died.

Days go by that I am not reminded of them. Not many days though. Most days they enter my thoughts when I am driving and my mind is not busy. In my memories they will be forever young, wild and restless.

The good die young. The rest of us spend the rest of our lives attempting to make sense of something that we know deep down will baffle us for as long as we live.

I still have trouble wrapping my head around what is, what not one of us can change.

Three hours ago Dustin's girlfriend, Melisa, found out that the babies she is carrying will be brother and sister. Dustin is having a boy and a girl!

Knowing this will give my aunt and uncle a reason to smile.

Two months from now Cliff's sister, Christy, will become a mama. She is having a baby girl!

Knowing this will give my aunt and uncle a reason to smile.

Knowing that they have a reason to smile gives me a reason to smile too!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Desperately Frustrated, Needing a Change

“Desperation. There's danger in frustration.” Miranda Lambert

I am both, frustrated and desperate. Desperate to get the hell away from here for a bit…due to the frustration and spinning sensation a feel deep down. I haven’t really gotten out of dodge since March and MAN! can I feel it. I want out, and now!

I feel like every other word out of my mouth probably is and has the right to be a word from the mouth of a sailor. I am seriously in need of something else, I don’t know what that something is and I can’t seem to summon the energy to put two and two together.

I can’t determine whether I like change or if I don’t. I guess it depends on what it pertains to and just how drastic it is. Sure, a positive change is good but even it has to be waited out before truly knowing. And the knowing, fuck the knowing, no, thank God, thank God for the knowing. But, yeah, fuck the knowing. I just don’t have a positive feeling. My stomach has been in a damn knot for six long days. Along with the knowing...the change, the fluid shit, the spew that has no consistency other than inconsistency.

So, there’s this point, and I’m circling around it, which is unusual. This point is where my frustration lies, where danger falls. I desperately want to make this point go the fuck away.

No take backs though, and I wouldn’t, not ever.

Bottom line, I need a change, desperately! And that fact alone is frustrating! Will there come a time when enough is enough, satisfaction reigns? Or will I always feel like there should be more, an easier, simpler way?

Simplicity takes work, believe it or not.

Life isn’t simple, or maybe it is, sure it is, on occasion, and away from where I sit this very second. It takes a hard day to recognize a simple one. I know that.

I need a simple change, or maybe I need a complicated change that I can adjust to rather simply, I just don’t know. It’s time to put two and two together, put forth the energy, and get the hell out of dodge!!


Sunday, September 27, 2009

She Speaks

After much pointin' and fiddlin', we told her what it was. Wouldn't you know it, she says it clearer than any other word, besides daddy, which is still repeatedly heavily throughout the day.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Party Potty Time

Peepee in the potty, peepee in the potty!

She did it! Not once! Not twice!! But three, yes, three times!!!

I'm so tickled I could tinkle!

On Tuesday, right before she hopped into the tub, I sat her on her potty and sang the peepee in the potty song to her. It goes like this: peepee in the potty, peepee in the potty...I pulled out a handy-dandy book and started reading to her, talking about the pictures. Basically, trying to get her to relax a bit, hoping that would help her take a leak. Lo and behold, it did. It worked! I then showed her how to wipe, dump the peepee in the toliet and flush. I danced a jig, she smiled and stomped around in a circle. She was proud of herself!

On Wednesday, right before she hopped into the tub, I sat her on her potty and sang the peepee in the potty song to her. It goes like this: peepee in the potty, peepee in the potty...I pulled out a handy-dandy book and started reading to her, talking about the pictures. Basically, trying to get her to relax a bit, hoping that would help her take a leak. Lo and behold, it did. It worked! I then showed her how to wipe, dump the peepee in the toliet and flush. I danced a jig, she smiled and stomped around in a circle. She was proud of herself!

On Thursday, right before she hopped into the tub, she sat herself on her potty and I sang the peepee song to her. It goes like...just kidding! I pulled out a handy-dandy book and started reading to her and lo and behold, she had already wizzed, was standing up and trying to dump the peepee in the toilet and flush. I danced a jig, she did too.

I'm sticking to this, we're sticking to this. I am on to something, I hope. I may have been blessed with an easily potty-trained toddler. Could I be so lucky? I was honestly thinking potty training would be a bitch, seeing how I am not home during the day except for on weekends. I realize she has not shit in the potty so I am not counting my turds before they are dropped but, hot damn, this is encouraging stuff I'm experiencing this week.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Daddy's Mama's Girl


If she said it once this weekend she said it three hundred times. I am not exaggerating.

I am sorry, I must admit, I laughed my ass off at "daddy."

Such a sweet notion, yet...

Make No Mistakes!

Friday, September 18, 2009

In the Hole

Work is letting up a bit.

I am thankful.

I do not write about work much due to the fact that people can read...and I need my job. So, I'll deal with the pain that comes along with biting my tongue, which is rather difficult for me to do, seeing how I (as a rule) call them as I see them. No need to beat around the bush. Lately, though, I feel like I'm simply spinning in circles, getting nowhere, getting dizzy.

My ass is filled with so much smoke I could fart and a cloud would hover over the entire state of Georgia.

I am a firm believer that having something to look forward to makes me keep moving. I have five vacation days left this year, and my God, am I looking forward to them. The knowing keeps me going. There is definitely something about the knowing. In more aspects than one.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Makin' It!

I can’t recall if I wrote about my garden experience this year. I don’t care enough to actually go back and look either. I probably didn’t as it parallels the worst time of year for me in regards to time and management. Summer isn’t what it used to be. While most are vacationing I am stressing.

Ok, I it is.

That post is the extent of my gardening talk. There isn't much to say. I tried, I failed...for the most part. About a month ago I transplanted the pitiful plants I was lucky enough to have left in the garden into containers that are sitting on my porch. Check'em out, I'm going to pull a green thumb out of my ass if it's the last thing I do.

I have decided that I will not plow, wait, who I am I kidding, that I will not have my dad or my husband tear up my yard next spring. I will either do raised beds or containers. Go with what works, right?

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Old & Ornery

Papaw Mac
September 7, 2009
Happy Birthday Old Man!

85 Years!
You've come a long way, baby!
Proof is in the teeth, or lack thereof!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Genius : Carrie

Last time I wrote I was expecting company. My company has since come and gone and so have Labor Day and the weekend that came with it.

When I moved from Florida I left behind a true friend. One who listens, farts, belches, laughs at everything, anything, can hold as much beer as I can, knows a lot of shit about me, is still there even though she knows a lot of shit about me...the list goes on. It was hard leaving her, hard I say. I was having withdrawals something awful, being the amiga she is, she took it upon herself to come visit me, well, us.

There is an airline (Allegiant) that flies directly from Sanford, which is maybe 20 minutes from her house, into Chattanooga, which is about an hour from our house. So, score either way! By flying Allegiant we miss the maniacal mess we call Atlanta and the airport that comes along with it. Furthermore, we skip the shithole that we sometimes refer to as Orlando and the airport that comes along with it. Words can not express the joy that this discovery (Allegiant) has given us.

Anyway, Carrie, being the penny-pincher she is, watched the website like a hawk and finally broke down and shelled out $90 for a round trip ticket to paradise, I mean Chatsworth. She was set to arrive on Friday morning and leave the following Monday morning. Thursday, the day before her departure from Florida she did what any responsible adult would do; she checked her ticket for specifics. Good thing too as she noticed that she was scheduled to depart from Chattanooga instead of Sanford, oops! OOPS! She booked the wrong flight, well, the right flight but going the wrong direction. So, technically, yes, the wrong flight. The customer service rep, who apparently hadn’t been informed that the customer is always right, told her that she had to pay an additional $220 in order to correct her mistake. Based on this bullshit she decided to just drive. She arrived at 12:30 a.m. Friday. We do up the town BIG time (please, it's Chatsworth)! Come Monday morning she pulled out, got just south of Macon and there sat Barney. Well, he clocked her 85, not good, since the speed limit in that neck of the woods is 70. He ticketed her which lead me to believe he hadn’t heard the customer rule either. Some people, the nerve. Anyone care to guess how much the ticket was for? Huh? Huh? If you said $201 you are correct! And for all the math geniuses out there that are not reading this, that puts her at $19 less than if she would have just paid the damn fee for correcting the airline ticket.

Irony, a bitch!

The bright side...quality time spent with a really great person. My daughter meeting my friend that I've known for an amount of time that is hard to wrap my head around. Sitting, laughing, drinking, belching...ahhh...good times!


Monday, August 17, 2009

Briefing: 18 Months

Dear Hayden,
Goodness gracious little girl! You are 18 months old and I can not believe it, I mean, I do, but it just doesn't seem right. I've said it before and I will say it again, time flies (even faster) after you have a baby. Six months feels like three months, a year feels like six months, a year and a half, well, you get the idea. I'm blown away by the fact that you have been in our lives for 18 gloriously hard, fabulously sweet, superbly splendid months (five hundred and forty days, or thereabout).

Let's see...
You fart, and then laugh out loud about doing so. You are proud, proud I say, of the vibration and smell that your asshole puts out. I laugh out loud too. What? Is that bad?

You whine, God, you whine. Frustration from a lack of communication (in the form of spoken word) could be the cause. Or, perhaps you are just pulling the same shit every 18 month old pulls. I'll whine, see if I get my way. See if they'll give me what I want just so I'll shut my pie hole. Your daddy and I almost never cave, I say almost because...

You scream, squeal, yell, holler, and a bunch of other things that relate to screaming, squealing, yelling, hollering...sometimes this makes us cave, crumble and cry...mercy.

You do say things, things like pup pup, train, train track, truck, daddy's truck, hot, chalk, turkey and you even speak a bit of and momento are your new favorite words. Of course you still say all the other words I mentioned here. Basically, you repeat the end of every sentence that comes from our mouths. Which is great and worrisome at the same time.

Caelie is one of our rottweilers and she is a real bitch. She is extremely vocal and makes it difficult to play catch with Aksel who shares her run. I was complaining to your daddy about what a bitch she is, saying man, Caelie is a bitch! Immediately you say "bit". Immediately I feel proud, because I cuss (unfortunately too much at times) and you, tree.. Nevertheless, your first cuss word was bitch, worth documenting for sure.

You try to jump, well, you do jump, but you try to play hopscotch. Last week I drew a hopscotch pattern on the sidewalk and you watched me with glee while I jumped. You then tried to do it yourself but couldn't because you were laughing too hard at me and...

...eating chalk.

You kick, on command, a ball. You kick me when I do the unthinkable and change your diaper.

You daddy looked at me yesterday, after being home with you all day, and said, "She is an asskicker." I concurred. We agreed that you go and go and go and Hayden, you go a lot.

Perhaps, your most favorite thing to do, beyond riding the 4-wheeler (you will drop whatever it is you are doing if the word ride even forms on our tongues) is to play in my car. Many mornings I leave for work to the sound of windshield wipers, a blinker, static of the radio, cold air blasting, you name it. You've successfully turned my car into your own private playground.

Your daddy and I took you in for your 18 month check-up and were pleasantly surprised at the turn around in your behavior from the last visit. The last visit was pure hell to say the least. We went for this check-up hoping we would be in and out seeing how they knew we were coming there on this day three months ago, we figured they would have your two vaccinations at the ready. We were wrong. Two hours after we arrived we departed, and with the following information:

Height: 32"
Weight: 23lbs
BMI: 16
Head Circumference: 18.75" (to be exact)

Later that day we caught you standing against your height chart in your bedroom. You had your back against the wall and your head turned around trying to see how tall you were. Lord, you are cute.

And just about, no, you are, the sweetest thing going around these parts.

On the 18th of this month you turned 18 months old. Your cousin, Isaiah (your best friend), turned 1 year old. The two of you are a sight. If I didn't know better I'd think the two of you escaped from a nudist colony for young'uns. I absolutely love the two of you together. I love that you have a friend in Isaiah and that the two of you are growing up side by side.

On a much heavier note...a short story.
Let's see, you must have been about 10 months old. You were asleep in your own room, your daddy and I were hanging out on the front porch with my cousin, Dustin. I went in the house to get a drink and heard you whimpering. Your daddy heard you too and went in to get you. Dustin had walked into the kitchen with me. As we were walking back to the porch we crossed paths with you and your daddy. You raised your pretty head up and focused on me and grinned, you then looked to Dustin and your grin faded. Your lip took forever to curl, your nose slowly wrinkled, you'd have thought time slowed down by how long it took for you to work up to a cry, then a scream. Prime time for stranger anxiety. Your reaction was amusing, to us of course. You were highly pissed that we let a stranger (to you) in our house late at night.

Dustin passed away on August 9th, nine days before you turned 18 months old. Luckily, you warmed up to him after that first night. Luckily, you and I both were home one evening about two weeks before he left and we got to see his blue eyes and smiling face one last time. You waved at him and I told him I loved him. Little did we know that we would not see him again, your great grandmother and my cousin Cliff would see him first.

I know you will not remember him so I am giving you these pictures.

The second photo is of Dustin with his mama, your great aunt, Myra. She is a wonderful woman and loves you dearly. My deepest hope is that your daddy and I never feel the pain that she is enduring as I write this to you. We do not know what tomorrow will bring. May you have many, many tomorrows, Hayden, and may they bring whatever it may be you want them to bring.

I started writing this letter to you eight days ago. Time, unfortunately, will not stand still. My work takes up more time than I want it to. Finding the time I need to write to you is difficult but I must do so. In between writing I think of so many things I want to say. All are about how much love I have for you, how precious you truly are to me. How beautiful your face is, how your hair curls and is starting to hang randomly in ringlets. I want to remember the dirt under your fingernails and on your feet, how damn tough you are, and you are. Just the other day a fire ant bit you, of course you cried. For two whole minutes. A fire ant bit me a while back and I moaned about it for days. Just ask your daddy.

I always feel like I am forgetting something when writing to you. So many little things happen that I let slide from my mind. There will never be time to document them all, not that I would want to. Some things are best left in the moment.

I've been asking you to guess what for some time now, because it gets a rise out of you, a smile.

Guess what, guess what...I ask.

You smile.

I love you...I say.

Soon you will be telling me you love me.

And I can't wait. I know you do but the words will be simply the sweetest coming from you.


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Chest ~ Lighter

I never intended my last post to be my last, for over one month. It never occured to me that the last post would be short and sweet, the opposite of what the last month has been. Long days, short nights and so not sweet (except for the after hours and weekends). Right now shit revolves around Hayden first, work a close second. I know things will be and it is what it is, I know all that. The consistency of the inconsistency is what I dislike with a passion.

I'm just going to put it out there. Well, here. I do not write anything here that I regret, I honestly think about what I am putting into words here. I want this to be about my family, my life, the simplicity of it really, even when work is getting the best of me. And I feel that it is, that this is about my family, life, living. This space is for my daughter, my It is what it is, and that is it. There is nothing unclear here, it's all black and white, very little gray.

As young kids we learn basic (and complex) social skills. We hear phrases as adults that we heard as young children. Words that stick because they are tried and true. I am guilty of going against those tried and true phrases, of not being social, but only rarely. I don't make a practice out of being an asshole or treating others how I do not want to be treated. Do unto others, right? I have said not so nice things when I shouldn't have said anything at all. But, I will say this, I do not speak in lies, I do not make up false statements about others to make myself feel better. I know who I am and I don't feel that I have to prove anything to anyone other than my daughter. To her I am constantly proving my unconditional love, and for me, that is really all that matters.

All of this makes perfect sense to me and it will probably make sense to another, but then again, I could be giving credit where credit isn't due.

Just because a person can speak does not mean he or she has something intelligent to say.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Where ~O~ Where

Work is very, very busy.
Needless to say...
Will write soon, much to talk about!
Until then, here is some cute!