Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Briefing: Life: 6 Months In

Dear Hayden,
I have decided to write to you ever so often so that our life together can be read time and time again; because it is such a sweet life, baby. I had intentions to sit down and pour my heart out last week, on August 18th, the day you turned 6 months old. That day came and brought your cousin Isaiah, my brother's son, to us, exactly 6 months from the day you were born.

You now have a playmate that you can grow up with, one with a full head of hair (better to yank and pull him around with). Soon Hayden, you will have another cousin to run wild with. My sister, Elizabethe, is going to have a baby next February, expected within days of the day you arrived. Wouldn't it be quite a cooincidence if he or she came on your birthday, which was also your Mamaw Tidwell's birthday? Yes, you were born on your great grandmother's birthday, and your great Papaw John calls you little Ruthie for that reason. Not to make excuses for not writing last Monday, but we have been busy, both of us, visiting Isaiah and of course...shopping (you have remarkable taste, so we take you along), thanks to nanny.
If someone had told me in February that you would be the little person you are today I wouldn't have believed them. I would have told them they were full of dookie, dog poop, horse caca, you get the point. You amaze me! I am so proud of what you have accomplished in your short time here. At 6 months old you are fierce, girl! Your personality is blatently obvious and you let it shine when given the opportunity. When you talk (you don't really talk just yet, but trust me, everyone hears what you are barking, little pup) everyone listens. You have each and every one of us wrapped so tightly around your finger it is cutting off the circulation. Don't worry though, mama will kiss it and make it all better.
You start your day bright and early, after a night that neither your daddy nor I can complain about. You choose your bed time, that being anywhere between 7-8:30, depending on your mood. Your mood is directly related to the amount of time you choose to devote to sleeping during the day. Unfortunately, your devotion isn't what we hoped it would be at this age; you might nap for an hour and a half throughout the day, that is on a good day. Those are the days you make it to 8:30, those days do not happen as often as I would like. I long for more time with you, Hayden. I get you to myself for only a few hours in the evening throughout the week. However, the weekends are ours, if I can manage to keep you from your nanny and papaw. We all love you so much, Hayden, we can't get enough of you. You are so much fun, you keep each of us young. You make us roll with laughter, the older you get the funnier you are.
You are entirely me made over, or so papaw says. If that is the case you will be walking in about 3 months. I keep telling your daddy that we are in for it once you are mobile. It won't be long either. You are well on your way to moving about on your own. Already you roll over (both ways), sit up, position yourself on your hands and knees...you try your hardest to crawl but can't do so just yet (I am somewhat thankful for that, although I can not wait to see you coordinate your arms and legs and take off).

However, you can get to wherever it is you want to be. You are in the process of figuring out how to sit yourself back up after you have fallen over onto your back and rolled to your tummy. Watching you teach yourself is so intriguing. You have learned so much in such a short time. Hayden, you have taught me so much in that same space in time. I know everything about you there is to know. Of course I do, I am your mama. At 4 months old, with the approval of your doctor, we started you on rice cereal. You really enjoyed it, especially when it was mixed with pear juice. Rather quickly you began eating vegetables and fruits. Here is a list of the foods you like and dislike:
LIKES: Peas, Carrots, Squash, Green Beans, Sweet Potatoes, Bananas, Applesauce, Pears, and even Lemons (we only feed you lemons when we are having a bad day and need a laugh, at your expense, I know, terrible parents, but you actually like them despite your facial expressions)...
DISLIKES: Peaches!
You are actually a very good eater, the proof is in your weight, 16 pounds at your 6 moth visit. That's up almost 10 pounds from your birth weight. I fed you chicken noodle dinner from Gerber the other night and you almost didn't breath throughout the entire meal. I would have puked from eating so fast. But, I can't make you eat slow, you determine the pace at which you eat. The reason I say this is because you will cry, squeal, give the wild eye, flap your wings and threaten to fly away if I slow down while shoveling food in your mouth.

You don't find all of this very funny, but the rest of us think it is hysterical. Yes, there are funny times and they pass way too quickly. There are times when I just want the hands of the clock to stop, moments when I close my eyes and hold time still in my head. These are the moments that I thank God he made me your mama. I love you Hayden, I love how you lay your head on my shoulder when you are tired and finish rubbing your big, beautiful, hazel eyes. I love how you reach for me when you want to be close. I love to bathe you and put my nose to your head and smell your sweet smell while you eat your final meal before bed. I love the sound of your giggle when papaw is blowing zerberts on your belly. I love the smile that breaks across your face when I sing our song. I love so many things about you baby, I can't possibly list them all here. I love the way you love.
Hayden, you are my sunshine, you always will be. You make me smile, I smile when you smile. You smile almost all the time, it's a gorgeous, happy smile, one that has two little teeth shining brightly for all to see. You are changing so much, right before my eyes. Please stop, I beg you. I can not wait to see the little girl you are destined to become, but I do not want the baby you are to grow up. I pray that you need me the way that I need you...for the rest of your life.

Love,
Mama

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Mostly Work, A Little Bit of Hayden & OH! I'm an Aunt!

Hello again.

I find myself at work with nothing at all to work on. That time of year again, except in years past "that time of year" came in early to mid October. Here we are in the middle of August with the demand for artificail turf dwindling already. This fact is ok by me as it was one hell of a summer even though it was short. I would probably be one pissed off mother if I had to endure another 2 months of this BS. So, now that I have some "down" time I have several things I hope to accomplish (change) before we jump into the deep end again next year. Maybe next time around we'll have some floaties to help us keep our head above water (see post about diving).

The department I am responsible for needs some major renovation. It is very difficult to make any changes mid-season so now is the perfect opportunity to do so. We will start by reconstructing the cutting table, finally. I won't even get into how horribly the table sets us back and how I would just like to set the bitch on fire. It is wood for the most part so it would definitely burn, that's for sure. We have qualified people coming in to cut the table into a third of it's length now, leaving us with a beautiful, unused section that will be just glorious. They are also going to install new equipment (by equipment I am referring to some computer related stuff that I am not paid to understand) and all the bells and whistles. I am in the process of figuring out a new and improved way to assemble the artwork we cut here. Our way is failing miserably, unfortunately. I have a connection that should make this a painless thing to do, if I can get the boss man to work with me. I know this all sounds realtively simple, but don't most things until they are underway? Reconstructing the table is what will be quite an undertaking. I have got it mapped out to take my vacation while this is going on...wink, wink. NO, I'm just playing, there's no way I would take off while the table is being taken down. I long to see this ticking time bomb explode into a million, well, a hundred big pieces. It has been the cause of many a stressful day for me. GOOD RIDDANCE!

So, Hayden is doing better, for the most part. She ended up on 4 medications after her visit to the doctor last Friday. Poor, poor baby girl. Both her ears were "very red." She also had thrush and all the cold symptoms you can list. Now I am not so sure she is teething, I think her ears may have been the main source of her lousy behavior. Which, I completely understand and feel so bad about. I should have taken her to the doctor a week before I did. I am not going to dwell on this fact and I am going to find comfort in knowing she is being taken care of now and is on her way to feeling like a healthy baby.

Her papaw bought her a swing last week and she loves it. She really likes to go fast and fly high, as much as it scares the living shit out of me. She swings wildly back and forth with her mouth wide open trying like hell to catch a lightening bug. No, but seriously, she enjoys the swing and so do I as it gives me some hands-free time with my daughter.



In other news:
My brother and his girlfriend had their baby boy yesterday. Isaiah Tidwell weighed in at 6 pounds 2 ounces and was 19 inches long. He has a head full of beautiful hair. Better for Hayden to pull him with, of course. Congratulations to them. Good luck, the first few months are trying but so rewarding. Until next time...




NOTE: I finally figured out how to post the image where I want it to be, before I just had to go with whatever Blogger offered. Smarty pants, I know!!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Tired Ramblings...


6 months into this mamahood gig and I kinda-sorta feel like I did 4 months ago. Not to the extent but the feeling is there. I find a little comfort in knowing that the feeling is not unwarranted. Several reasons exist as to why I feel pretty shitty.

I work everyday and am usually gone before Hayden wakes up. The wee morning hours are her favorite time of day, all smiles. I miss this Monday through Friday. I get out of work at 5:00, some days I pick her up from Sandy's, other days her dad gets her. On those days I frantically race home to start supper, make bottles, get Hayden's bath stuff ready to go, clean the kitchen, start clothes, whatever else needs tending to. If I pick her up I usually only get as far as supper and bottles, well, and her bath. Everything else gets pushed to the side. This is specifically because she is in a rotten mood by the time 6:30 rolls around. I'm lucky if I make it that long with her. I can honestly say that I try my hardest, I cater to her every need. I try and make her comfortable and keep her awake and happy so that the two of us can have quality time together. I fail miserably. She fusses, cries, wails even. I used to grin and bear it, but lately it has taken its toll on me and I cry right along with her. I chalked her unwanted behavior up to being tired and teething, more so teething.

Well, now my baby is sick, thanks nanny (just kidding). She has had a runny nose since Monday, has a dry cough, and I have determined she has a sore throat as well. She doesn't sound the same when she makes her sweet little voice heard. I'm her mama and I know she feels awful, I feel awful. And her dad feels awful as well, because he feels his daughter's pain and because she gave him whatever bug she has. So, long story short (you guessed it) we are back to very little sleep, good sleep that is. Sure, I get the 2 hours staright here and there. But I need more than that, my body is sceaming this at me. It's saying, "I warned you months ago not to deprive me of sleep and look what you are doing, here take this!" "This" being a big dose of cry-for-any-reason, loosing-my-grip, and a shit-eating feeling of inadequacy. Suck it up...I know. I am also slighty pissed at how things are working out with Hayden. Just when things start getting easier, simpler, things go really bad. I started feeling like I was handling parenting pretty well, moving along, making it, doing it. Now, I am back to feeling like I am being tested each day. I feel like I am getting the raw end of the deal. Coping with not seeing my daughter during the week days very much, to someone else getting her good side everyday, teething, her being sick, all of these things are draining me. I tell myself that this too shall pass. I pray for strength and patience, as I always do. I'll receive it, I know. I just have to have patience. These times will pass and I will not look back on them fondly. I just want my happy baby back, I want quality time wth her, is that too much to ask? I need to pull it together, turn off the monitor and get some sleep. BUT, I will not do this until I know my baby is sleeping soundly as well. Mamahood. It sucks and rocks in the same instant.

Now I am going to try and catch some shut eye at work, all I need is a cot, or an office chair and a computer modem to prop my feet on.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Not a whole lot going on...

Work settled down as the week progressed. Thankfully. I thought about running for the hills Monday. I do have one behind my house and it was looking not-so-hard to climb when I got home. Hayden had a rough beginning to the week as well. Teething, what a beautiful thing. NOT! She is rotten at times and for good reason, she is in pain. I went back and forth and back and forth about what to give her to assist in alleviating her pain. The Tylenol and Hyland's Tablets weren't even touching the pain she had going on. I decided to try Motrin and by the grace of GOD it worked. She actually got 6 hours of sleep at one time, and her daddy and I got some Z's as well. She woke up happier and her aunt Sandy was happier too, I am sure. Sandy is such a great woman and such a loving aunt to my baby. xoxoxo to her.

The weekend is here and I am planning to tackle some major inconviences in the house, with or without Chip. Usually if I start doing something that he does not want to do he will eventually help. It's either that or have me moving things I can't possibly lift, or uprooting the puppy and the bitch in heat to more dog -worthy quarters, like outside. If I start boxing up his stuff (clothes that have't seen his body in years) then all of a sudden he wants in on the action. Funny how that works, huh? Tricky, nah! Wise, yep!

I made myself a Twitter account. Something else to maintain, why not?

Nobody is reading my ramblings...not that I know of anyway. Maybe someday, somebody, or some successful company will happen upon my blog and think it worthy of an ad or whatever. I really am not up to speed on how blogging can make you money. A lot of folks do it though. Luck~ I suppose.

Here is a short list of blogs that I read that I think are good enough to warrant some flow:

All & Sundry
Dooce
Sweet|Salty

Oh well, I tried...to kill some time that is. I think I may have killed 10 minutes. Great, now I'll walk the half mile hike to the potty and hopefully by the time I make it back it'll be quittin' time!